The Full Plate.

Highs and Lows.

2012-01-29T19:18:00.000-08:00

The last couple of weeks have been filled with peaks and valleys. We peaked with our annual trip to Disney World. We are so blessed to be able to take these types of trip as a family. We're a large family, and for so many large family, these types of trips are impossible.

I'm abundantly blessed to be mom to these amazing seven children. Earlier this month, we began the process to add one more to our crew. We prayed that Hope would become the eighth member of the FullPlate Family. It turns out that Liberia's adoption process is a lot like Ghana, the rules change with no notice, arbitrary decisions are made that don't make any sense and no one feels any real motivation to make anything happen for a little girl who needs a family.

We hit a valley when we were told this might not happen for us. I can't operate in another unethical system. I just don't know that I have the fight left in me to re-live what happened in Ghana. So, we'll continue forward, but there are no words to describe how I feel about this. I'm so conflicted. Part of me feels like it's a betrayal to be sad about the one child I might not have when I have seven amazing miracles. The other part of me wants to punch someone. Hope needs a family. Is it really so hard?

The don't call it the adoption rollercoaster for nothing.

--FullPlateMom,

who is hoping for another peak soon.

Oh, Oh It's Magic...

2012-01-17T19:56:00.000-08:00

I'm taking some time to enjoy a vacation that always helps remind me how truly blessed I am. I'll be back with trip details very soon.

--FullPlateMom,

who feels a little like a kid herself this week.

Learning to Forgive.

2012-01-03T17:47:00.000-08:00

In March, it will be two years since the Duo came home. In February, we will mark 2 1/2 years since Bubbly hit the shores of the good old U.S. of A. Part of me can't believe it. Part of me feels we have come so far, part of me feels we have so far to go. Even though we have a long road in front of us, I can honestly say that all three of my Ghanaian kids are happy now. They are really, and truly, happy little people. For the most part, I'm happy as well. I don't think adults are ever quite as joyful as children, but I think I do pretty well.

Someone posted this to Facebook today. It's supposedly the twelve keys to happiness.

Express gratitude.
Cultivate optimism.
Avoid over-thinking and social comparison.
Practice acts of kindness.
Nurture social relationships.
Develop strategies for coping.
Learn to forgive.
Increase flow experiences.
Savor life’s joys.
Commit to your goals.
Practice spirituality.
Take care of your body.

I'm pretty good with all of these. I have no idea what "flow experiences" are, but darn it, I'll work on it. I always think I'm a pessimist, and I probably am about things relating directly to me (I always think I got an F on my grad school papers), but in regard to the world at large, I'm an optimist. Even after Ghana beat and abused us all, I'm willing to go back for more, because I believe there are good people out there. After all, not everyone is out to steal from and abuse children. I really believe I'll find the goodness and that my experience was meant to teach me what NOT to do. I learned how to really make a difference and how not to. I practice spirituality. I take care of my body. I express my gratitude. I'm happy, right?

Hmmm...yeah...

I can't forgive. Rather, I should say I struggle with this. I can do it. It's just REALLY hard. If you've wronged me, it might take me awhile to get over it, but eventually (after a long time), I will. After awhile, I just run out of energy for grudges. If you've wronged my kids though...hoo boy. Watch out. I'm sure every mama is like that to some extent, but I make it an art form.

I need to let go.

I can't.

Since this blog is out there, in part, to help people understand what it is like to raise a child who has been through some serious trauma, I'm going to give you the honest truth. I don't know that I will ever forgive the man who did this to Bubbly. I tried. Darn it. I did. I wrote blog posts about how I was getting there, how I felt it coming, but after 2 1/2 years, I'm not there. I'm starting to doubt I ever will be (there's that pessimism). It would really help to not have to see his face ever again. Yet, after all this time, there are still images of him on the internet. He's still out there.

I won't lie. It eats me. Sometimes, it physically burns. If this man were here in the U.S., he would be rotting in jail. I would have been able to put him there through legal channels, but in Ghana, where there is apparently some sort of justice system that I don't understand, he just gets to roam free. That burns too. It burns because he hurt someone who is more genuinely innocent than anyone I have ever met, someone who trusted him implicitly to provide her with her basic needs. I love this little girl more than I love myself, he did this to her, and he just gets to go on living. Every day my daughter struggles to get back a little of what he took from her. Meanwhile, he's just out there. I want to scream at the injustice of it all. When she has her worst days, the days like today where the trauma takes hold and she is so frustrated with herself because she can't understand WHY she is this way, I just want to hit someone.

It's an awful way to live. So, we all go to therapy, and when I'm there, this is what I talk about. I talk about my daughter and how I grieve for what she will probably struggle with for the rest of her life. I grieve for what I will probably now struggle with for the rest of my life. Learning to forgive. Learning to let it go. This is a lot of what parenting through trauma is about.

I have a lot to learn.

--FullPlateMom,
who needs to take a deep breath, Bubbly style.

Here's to 2012

2012-01-01T08:58:00.000-08:00

Happy 2012!

To all the families who are waiting for their children, may this year bring your family together. The FP Family will almost surely see some major change. I can feel it coming. We're excited to see what that change will bring.

My resolution is the same as it always is, to be as present as possible and to NOT look to the future. I don't want to miss a moment of 2012 with my kids. They're just too amazing to wish any of this precious time away.

--FullPlateMom,
who is toasting you with a glass of bubbly.

On My Heart on Christmas Eve.

2011-12-24T04:47:00.000-08:00

It's 6:30am on Christmas Eve. FPD and I were up until nearly midnight last night watching Sports Center (yes, we're Christmas-sy like that. We don't watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' or 'White Christmas'. We watch Sports Center) and wrapping what seems like one thousand presents. Christmas this year has gone by in a world wind of activity. We have seven kids. They each have two to three teachers. I work for four lovely doctors. We have a large extended family. It's a lot of shopping.

It's a lot to be thankful for.

We're also thankful that we're getting the opportunity to know a little girl who is, by all accounts, amazing. Hope is in Liberia this Christmas. I remember the Christmas we spent without our Giggles, ShyGuy and Bubbly. It wasn't like the Christmas' we spent without the four who came before. They were all infants, and were all either not born or were living with foster families in the U.S. who were happy to have them, and showered them with love.

Bubbly spent her first, second and third Christmas' in a place I would rather never think about again. Giggles and ShyGuy spent every Christmas in Ghana pretending it was any other day. There wasn't special food, there were certainly no gifts. It was just. another. day.

I'm in awe that we're all here together.

I'm so thankful. I just have to keep saying it out loud, because it is something I marvel at every single day, that I would have been given the privilege to parent these seven amazing little people. Words just don't do it justice. There are six women and one man out there who gave me the most important gift in the world.

Their Child.

Someone else gave me that gift as well, in the form of a baby, on this day, many, many, years ago.

When I crab about all the wrapping, or I flip out because I was missing a gift for someone who probably won't care what I got them anyway, I'm going to remind myself that nothing, absolutely nothing, is as important as celebrating what I've already been given.

That's what's on my heart this Christmas Eve. May you celebrate what's on yours.

--FullPlateMom,
who wishes you all a very Merry Christmas.

When Is It Enough?

2011-12-22T17:58:00.000-08:00

There isn't much of an update on Hope, with the holidays the Embassy is slow, so there aren't many answers as to why her visa was denied. We think it's a temporary thing, but it might not be. We have to brace ourselves for that too.

We do know that Hope's birth mom would prefer not to be a parent anymore. I'm sure it's hard to parent a daughter who has special needs when you're young and live in a country where special needs aren't exactly accepted. I'm also sure it's hard for the Embassy to approve a temporary visa for a child who might not have anyone to go back to. I understand their predicament, but that doesn't make this any easier to bear when it comes to this one child. This one child that we've all fallen in love with. This one child who is still in a rough situation. At Christmas time.

It's hard to imagine that. It's also hard to even consider what might need to happen next. In order to get the medical care she needs, and deserves...

She may need to be adopted.

Yes. I said it.

So, we told the children this tonight. We were trying to prepare them for the idea that it might not be our home that Hope comes to. Surprisingly, the thing they were all most upset about is that she won't be here for Christmas. They want, for her, what they have. The GhanaDuo understands what it means to be here for Christmas. Not just because of the stuff, but because of the security and the love of a family. They were all praying for some sort of miracle that would bring Hope here. I love that about my kids.

When we told them that she might not come here, they were appalled. If there is a child that needs to be adopted, well, they're sure we should adopt them. I asked Middle-Middle and Giggles, who were with me at the time, when they thought it would be enough. When would it be enough adoptions? When would it be enough children? Didn't they ever feel slighted? They live in a house with SEVEN other children while other homes have two, maybe three. Don't they understand what they're missing?

Apparently, they have no clue. As we talked about it, Bubbly joined the conversation, along with ShyGuy and ResponsiBoy. They lobbied hard, telling me all the things they LOVE about being in a big family, all the things their friends will never know. Remember that time we climbed the climbing wall at that carnival and the were giving away FREE TACOS to everyone who made it to the top? MOM! We got more tacos than anyone else! Remember when we got on the subway in Boston and everyone thought we were a school? HA! We all laughed when they wouldn't believe we were just a family! There's always someone to play with. I'm never lonely. ResponsiBoy taught me to read! Bubbly taught me that you can climb the decorative pole in the foyer! Great.

The list goes on and on. How do you argue with that logic? For just a moment, I get all inspired and I think, we could totally do this again! Then, I think about all the adult logic that goes into a decision like this? How the heck am I going to pay for college? How will we ever take a real vacation again? What lunatic will EVER agree to babysit for us again? FPD and I will DIE of old age and we'll still be parenting! AHHH!

Then, I think about this...

How do you argue with that logic?

--FullPlateMom,

who may not be able to argue anymore at all. So, she renewed her passport.

Denied.

2011-12-19T19:52:00.000-08:00

Hope's visa was denied again today. I can picture what the person looked like as they said it, because I've seen that face so many times. I know they have a job to do. I respect that job. Seriously though, what is the problem here?

We have a family. She needs a family.

We have medical care. She needs medical care.

I'm ready to have her come. Her birth mother is ready to let her come.

It's not complicated. She isn't going to cost taxpayers any money. She'll only be in the U.S. temporarily. During that time, she will not be receiving public assistance in any way. FPD and I will be footing the bill for her entire stay here in the U.S.

Maybe there's something I just don't understand. We weren't told why the visa was denied. We were just told to have the Coordinator for the program contact the Consular. So, she will. We'll figure out what the issue is then. Until then, all we can do is pray. So, that's what we do.

--FullPlateMom,
who is starting to have some Ghanaian deja vus.

Stop for YOUR One.

2011-12-17T07:48:00.000-08:00

I don't post a lot of ministry videos to Facebook. Aside from my Catholic grandmother, we are the only Christians within our larger extended family. While I use Facebook as a place for extended family to keep up with our family, the day-to-day happenings, I use this blog as a place to write about things that touch my heart. Inevitably, those things relate to Jesus Christ and children, the children He wouldn't ever want us to abandon or forget.

I write about tragedies that I can't ignore. I write about children who bring me to tears through their strength and their ability to overcome. I write about this for me, but also for my own children. I save every single one of these blog entries for them, so that someday my own seven children will understand my heart and how we became the family we are.

We became that family because we stopped for the one. Over and over. We stopped.

I'm proud of that.

I pray my children will learn and, when the time comes, that they too will STOP.

This video kills me. It's so hard to watch. The story of the little girl with one leg left me weeping. This quote touched my heart so much. If I were as eloquent as Heidi, this would be exactly what I tell you I pray for.

I pray for radical love to just rock this generation.... That they would just go out to the darkest places. They would go to the brothels, they would go to the drug dens, they would go to the streets, they would go to the villages, they would go to the universities and they would STOP FOR THE ONE.

Watch this video, be inspired, find your one. Your one might be it Jesus Christ, or it might the one child that He wouldn't want you to forget. Whoever it is, just for a moment...STOP.

--FullPlateMom,
who knows that love looks like something.

Ignore it and it will go away?

2011-12-16T19:05:00.000-08:00

**We're now over halfway to our goal of $2000 for Hope's plane ticket. I'm awed by the mountains we're moving. Thank you! Please keep spreading the word!**

I've gotten several emails asking me to share the story of how we found out about Hope and what made us decide to host a child who will need such major surgery. The story itself is similar to the story of how we found all our children (yes, even though she'll only be here temporarily, we consider her ours). We were in the right place in the right time. The amazing part of the story is that it could be anyone's story. It could be your family's story. That is, if you listen hard enough.

I am lucky to have a great support network of people online who all have families that look like ours. One of the women I've had the pleasure to get to know has 19 children at home. Yes, one...nine...NINETEEN. She leaves her heart open to bringing home more children that need her. She amazes me. She posted a note about Hope needing a host family.

Here's where the story gives me a little deja vus. You see, I've been at this crossroads seven times now. I read the post, just like I read the post about ShyGuy, Giggles and Bubbly. Just like I got a call about Middle-Middle and GigantoBaby. I saw the note and I thought 'now's not the time' and 'I've done my part'. After all, I have seven kids. Yet, a voice kept nagging me. At first it was just a little voice, the kind that gnaws at you while you're taking a warm shower, or climbing into your warm bed. It's the kind of voice that says 'but you could help'.

I ignored it. I didn't want to hear it.

So, it got a little louder.

I heard it when I drove my kids to school and watched them skip off happily into their amazing classrooms. It said 'you could do this again' and 'you could change her life'. I shook my head and drove to work, where the voice told me 'you work as a pediatric nurse where you could bless a child with excellent medical care'. I ignored it. I ignored it until it screamed at me..."HELP!". I sighed, went home and showed FPD the little picture.

For the next couple of days, the voice nagged him. He tried to ignore it, but pretty soon, the voice began to pester both of us at the same time. It was persistent.

Some people can ignore the voice. We, apparently, can't.

For those of you who ignore it on a daily basis, we don't think less of you. In fact, we often wonder if we're insane to have listened to it as many times as we have. Can we do this again? Can we give everyone everything they need? What kind of sacrifices are we about to make? Will this hurt us? Will this hurt our children?

I don't know. I won't know for a long time if we made the right choice. I may never know. I don't know if listening to that voice has set us up for amazing blessings or serious heartache. I do want you to think about this though...

If you stopped and listened to the voice, is there a blessing out there waiting for you?

For me, the answer was YES. Seven times over.

Soon, we hope to make that eight.

--FullPlateMom,
who wants you to think about what you might be missing. Adoption is amazing.

What Kind of Parent I Will Be...

2011-12-15T14:48:00.000-08:00

**Thanks to Shannon's thoughtful suggestion, I added a ticker to track the donations coming in for Hope's plane ticket. We're nearly 25% of the way there. She has a visa appointment on Monday. Now we all know how visa appointments go in Africa, but it's POSSIBLE she might have a visa on Monday. It would be so sad if she couldn't hop a plane because money was standing in the way. Please see the post below to donate. Thanks!**

Giggles recently did a writing assignment on what kind of parent she will be. I can safely say that all of us waited with baited breath to see what she would write. Her teachers warned me that this assignment was coming. It was nice of them. Giggles' teacher is an adoptive mom herself. She knows well what this assignment would mean for Giggles and I. It would mean addressing the fact that she had a mom before she had me. Would she write about being the kind of mother her first mother was? Or would she be a parent like I am? The GhanaDuo's first mom and I don't parent the same way at all. Giggles rarely had limits in Ghana. Her first mom was just struggling to get by. It was Giggles internal motivation to please that kept her in line at all (ShyGuy=not internally motivated to please, so he was a lot more of a handful for his "first mom").

I got a copy of the assignment today. Giggles very sweet student teacher photocopied it and handed it to FPD. She thought we might want to keep a copy of it. Here is what she wrote, mistakes and all (just because her writing makes her so uniquely her).

I will be a good parent because I use all the same thing my mom and dad though (taught) me and I will do the same things like go on a trip to fun places like the zoo and other trips. One thing I would not get them is a toy gun because they might take it to school and they will be in trouble with their teacher and then they will be in trouble with the teacher and then they will not go to the zoo and other fun places so they will be in their room for a long time and I will be mad like my mom is when somebody get in trouble with me and with his dad.

First of all, from my mom heart...tears. She wrote about us.

She also wrote about something that every older adopted child struggles with, something that we have drilled into the heads of the Ghanaian kids for the last almost two years they've lived with us... setting limits with love. We won't beat her, but if she steps a toe over the line, privileges will be lost. I tell her over and over that my job as her mom isn't to be her friend, it's to guide her as she learns how to become an adult in the real world. Giggles wrote about all the fun places we go as a family (apparently the zoo tops her list), but she also talks about how she knows the fun will disappear if she misbehaves. Do you know what really touched my heart about this though? Giggles makes the connection that this is an effective way to parent, and that she believes in it enough that she plans to parent this way too.

There were a lot of arguments over the last almost two years between FPD, myself and the GhanaDuo about WHY we have to parent this way. It took A LOT of talking to make them understand that they are accountable for their actions, that it isn't effective to just whip them with a stick and then let them go back to what they were doing. They need to understand the consequences their actions bring. It's SO much more work than the stick, but apparently, it's worth it. She really gets it.

--FullPlateMom,
who only wishes that Bubbly would 'get it' now too.

Give Hope this Christmas.

2011-12-10T20:20:00.000-08:00

This is Hope. She's 4-years-old and currently lives in Liberia. Hope was born with a limb deformity that will require an amputation and fitting for a prosthesis to live any kind of a normal life in Liberia. Without it, her life will almost surely be spent begging on the side of the road.

Hope will be coming to live in the FullPlate Manor while she receives this amputation and the prosthesis. The pediatricians office that I work for will be coordinating her medical care, and her visa is being arranged by an amazing outreach organization.

She just needs a plane ticket to the U.S. FPD and I have never done any fundraising for any of our adoptions. Since this isn't an adoption, we're okay with fundraising for this little girl now.

I've included a hard to look at picture below. If you're squeamish, don't look. This is Hope's leg. As you can see, it would be impossible to correct. Right now she drags it behind her as she scoots along the ground. She can't walk at all. Can you imagine what her life will be like without some kind of correction?

If you would like to give Hope the gift of mobility for Christmas, please go to the link below to donate. All donations are tax deductible.

Global Orphan Outreach

--FullPlateMom,

who loves having a little Hope in her life.

Bigger Things.

2011-12-07T04:44:00.000-08:00

In this season, as I madly dash around trying to buy Christmas gifts for seven children, I have to stop and remind myself that there are bigger things out there to consider. This will be our second Christmas with the Duo and our third with Bubbly. I remember the Christmas' they weren't here at all. I remember the Christmas that I wasn't a parent at all. Those were bigger things.

FPD and I went through Christmas all alone the first three years we were married. We had lost a referral of a little girl from Guatemala and we weren't even sure we were meant to be parents. On that third Christmas all alone, we swore that if we spent another Christmas without a child to call ours again that we would toss in the towel and just find a way to enjoy being us. We got the call about ResponsiBoy on December 28th of that year.

For those of you who are waiting for your Christmas miracle, there are bigger things coming for you too. I had no idea just how big those things would become. I'm in awe of the plan that God had in store for us. May God reveal the bigger things to you as well.

--FullPlateMom,
who continues to focus on those bigger things.

Relating.

2011-11-19T18:48:00.000-08:00

I've talked before about relationships and how when you're a parent of seven children, they can be really hard. In a world where having two or three kids is the norm, it's hard for people to understand how we "make it" with seven. This can be isolating. If I'm introducing myself at a function, I'll often have to open with "Hi, I'm mom of Giggles, ResponsiBoy, M-M, ShyGuy, GigantoBaby, Bubbly and the Diva." I can take one look at the person, as their jaw hits the floor, and predict what they're thinking. The person will politely nod, tell me what a wonderful person I am and then walk away. Because...I'm weird, right? I CHOSE to have seven kids. That makes me weird, right?

I want to shout "I'm just like you! I worry about the same things you do. I just worry about it for twice as many kids!" While we're religious, we're not zealots. I won't try to convert you. I didn't adopt my kids to save the world. I won't judge you for not adopting. I don't eat granola at every meal, but I'm also not going to talk to you about my large gun collection. I'm not going to ask you for money (and I don't get any from the government). I'm just like every other middle class mom. I just have a lot of kids.

If I REALLY work at relationships I can get past this weirdness, but if I'm going to be totally honest, sometimes I just don't have the energy to work that hard. Can you blame me? I have SEVEN kids. So, when I don't go out for drinks with the girls because Bubbly had a craptastic day at school, or when I can't make it to a friend of a friend's wedding because I don't have a babysitter I trust to watch my kids, it's not because I don't care. It's because I'm barely keeping my head above water.

The problem is, I'm not going to tell you that I'm barely keeping my head above water, because the second I say that I get comments like "but you wanted this many kids! You did this to yourself!" Hell yeah, I did, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to have the occasional bad day (or week, or month). FPD and I just work extra hard to keep up the appearance of rolling along, because otherwise the judgment begins its nasty little chokehold and we feel like we can't breathe. No one likes to be judged, especially not when it comes to their parenting. FPD and I both know that the mark we're going to leave on this world will come through the seven children we're currently parenting. We refuse to make concessions when it comes to them. When it's really important, I'll be there for you. I'll make you a diaper cake when you have a baby. If you invite our kids, we'll all come to your wedding (even though getting seven kids to a wedding feels like running a marathon).

We've lost friends, and family, because we're parenting seven kids from hard places and they don't understand why we can't "make time for them". I never thought I would have to stand by and watch as every relationship that was important to me just fell apart. My kids come first, I won't apologize for that.

Parenting a child, or children, who have special needs makes all this even harder. I imagine that it like this for mothers or fathers of children with Autism, Down's Syndrome, mental illness, etc. I know I'm not alone in this. I know other parents struggle with the isolation that comes when the rest of the world doesn't understand why you have to live the way you do. I can't drop everything to go out for the evening. My daughter was abused so badly that some days she barely functions. Thanks for the invite though.

Dang. It sucks.

This is when I turn inward. When the relationships on the outside are falling apart, I have to think that God is sending me a message that its time to make sure that the relationships on the inside are strong. FPD and I are solid, because parenting these kids will either make us or break us. So far, it's makin' us. We're good. I'm raising some amazing kids. I'm so proud of them. They're good people who would give the shirt of their backs before they let anyone suffer. They amaze me everyday with their kindness. They never focus on what they're "missing" by being in this family, they only focus on how blessed we are and what we can do to make sure other kids are as blessed.

Most importantly, I'm good with me. I'm doing to best I can, and on days like this, when I've watched another relationship crumble because I couldn't meet one more person's needs, I have to let it go. I have to watch it fall away and hope that someday that person might find understanding.

--FullPlateMom,
who can't be everything to everyone.

Make It Monday: Epic Fail.

2011-11-14T17:00:00.001-08:00

I tried to make this for the girl's room.

Paint Chip Chandelier

It seemed like such a good idea! Lord knows we break enough lamp shades around here to accomplish this several times over. And paint chips? Free.

Oh my gosh! I have no idea what I did wrong, but it looks awful. I can't even post pics. So, I've scrapped this project until I can make some modifications. It's a cute project though, so I did want to give it a link.

--FullPlateMom,

who is so frustrated by the projects that she blunders.

Tough.

2011-11-13T15:46:00.000-08:00

I consider myself tough. I'm raising three girls who are so much tougher than I am though. They are so strong that it makes me tear up. After everything they've been through, the hardships they've had to overcome, they're coming out stronger, better people.

I'm raising three girls who came from homes that were broken by men who chose to use and abuse either them, or their mothers in front of them. That cycle of abuse ends with my girls. My girls are tough. Convincing all of them, but especially Giggles, that she is strong, and doesn't need to depend on a man, has been an uphill battle. We tell her to hold on to her faith, which (not coincidentally), happens to be her middle name.

Giggles and I have sung this song together. She sings with a wicked african accent combined with an awesome southern twang.

It makes me giggle.

TOUGH

I wanted lace, I wanted pearls, to be a princess like
The other girls.

But life came hard, to my front door. And I grew up trying
To even out the score.

Tough, I ain't never been nothing but tough, all my edges have
Always been rough.

But Jesus loves me anyway.

Oh backbone, there ain't nothing wrong with a woman that
Got a little backbone.

--FullPlateMom,
who is proud of her tough girls. Jesus does love you anyway, even when you have to have a little backbone.

What I Wore Wednesday...

2011-11-09T11:04:00.000-08:00

Just because I'm so excited about the deal I got, I'm going to play this game. I love, love, love seeing what other people wore, but usually I'm not so into showing off what I wore.

Yesterday, I got a phenomenal shoe deal though.

Do you see them?

I love Missoni. I loved that they were making a line for Target. I didn't love this action. I'm also uber-cheap when it comes to my clothes. See the sweater I'm wearing? It's from Target too, but I thrifted it, which made it five bucks. The shoes are Missoni by Target, found on the 50% off rack. I used the $5 gift card I got while buying razors (which FPD also had a manufacturer and store coupon for), and scored these puppies for ten bones!!!

--FullPlateMom,
who can't actually wear them outside due to the blizzard. Bummer.

Make It Monday: You know you have girls when...

2011-11-07T07:26:00.000-08:00

your second bathroom looks like this.

In an effort to motivate myself to complete some of the unfinished projects I have laying around the house, and because I'm obsessed with Pinterest, I decided to start 'Make It Monday' around here. The theory is, if I have to show you what I made every Monday, then I'll have to make something. Sounds good, right? We'll see if it actually works.

The above picture is of the corner of our second bathroom, the ones the girlies all share. It has a garden theme with butterflies, dragonflies and a lovely pastel (mostly lavender) color scheme. I make all the girls hair bows and flowers. Well, some of them are from the Dollar Spot at Target. I dismantle them and attach a lined alligator clip, because those plastic barrettes just don't work in brown girl hair. Prior to adding the decorative hangers pictured above, all these lovelies were just shoved in a drawer. It was driving me nuts!

So, I made this...

Sorry, I don't remember where I saw the tutorial, but it's just an embroidery hoop with ribbon and tulle hot glued to it.

The one below came straight off of Pinterest though. The button to 'follow me' is on the left. The tutorial is pinned on my 'For my Girlies' board. You know, just in case you have hair accessories coming out your ears.

That's it for this week's Make It Monday! Now go out there and make something (she says while holding her glue gun like a six shooter).

--FullPlateMom,
who feels very productive (well, for now anyway).

Bubbly's 5th Birthday Party.

2011-11-06T21:17:00.001-08:00

After the excitement of Halloween died down it was finally time to throw Bubbly a 5th birthday party. The girl knows how to throw a shindig. Last year, we all wore prom dresses. This year, she wanted to wear her dress from my brother's wedding and a tiara. She wanted all of us to wear fun headwear as well. So, we requested that all guests wear fun hats. My girls went vintage.

The Diva in her vintage hat. We kept calling her Mrs. Griswold. Remember that episode?

Giggles looks very chic.

The birthday girl with her "cocktail".

--FullPlateMom,

who can't believe Bubbly is FIVE!

I'm in Love...

2011-11-02T20:53:00.000-07:00

with Pinterest. I'm officially obsessed. I've always been a crafter, but this has taken it to a whole new level. See my button over there? See it? You should join up. Come on! You'll love it. Join me on the dark side!

You'll learn how to make your own laundry detergent, or a diaper cake, or your own roman shades out of an old sheet. So many ideas! So little time.

--FullPlateMom,
who is feeling crafty.

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-30T12:31:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween from the Full Plate House! We always go with a theme around here. This year we're going Percy Jackson style. You know, all Greek Gods & Monsters. Here they are:

Middle-Middle as Poseidon, God of the Sea.

ShyGuy as Hermes, God of Travel & Communication.

ResponsiBoy as Zeus, God of the Sky.

Giggles as Aphrodite, Goddess of Love

Now for the monsters...

Bubbly as Medusa. She's making her scariest face.

The Diva as Pegasus.

GigantoBaby as Cerberus, the three-headed dog.
He's barking at YOU!

Having a Ball with Fall.

2011-10-17T17:19:00.000-07:00

A short bullet post, because I have seven kids running around begging me to read another chapter of 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.'

We went apple picking, which resulted in a gorgeous apple pie, two apple crisps, an apple coffee cake and MANY delicious snacks.

I swear I'm going to the pumpkin patch 15 times this fall on field trips. I only have seven kids. Ah well, it's good fun. Gigantobaby was the first to go. FPD will be enjoying the next trip this week.

We took a fall hike at a local state park this week. I took pics, Bubbly ate a TON, M-M whined and we had some good, family fun.

The Lucky Seven.

Bubbly wanted you to see this picture. She was pretty sure the plant next to her was an "eyeball tree". Perfect for Halloween. Whhhooooo....scary.

--FullPlateMom,

who has costumes to assemble.

An Advocate.

2011-09-28T06:46:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in so long. These days, life involves just trying to keep my head above water. All in all, the kids are doing really well. Bubbly has started 4K and seems to be doing great. All reports so far are excellent. It makes me think we're on the road to true healing. I'm almost afraid to hope for it though. Sometimes, when I do, that's the time when we have a major backslide. Lately, the backslides don't take us back as far as they did at the beginning. Lately, they aren't nearly as traumatic.

We continue to advocate for her, and all the kids, with the school system. It's sad that we have to fight this way. For the first time, I understand the decision some parents make to home school. I see the benefits and drawbacks to both. We haven't gotten the help for Bubbly that she deserves. If she didn't have what she does at home, along with the great teaching staff at the school, she would be another kid falling through the cracks. The administration in our district is a joke. She has FPD and I to advocate for her. She has teachers who are doing their very best with the little their given.

Not all kids have that. Part of the problem is that because she has such a loud mouthed mother, the system assumes that she doesn't need anything else. The Support Services staff continues to ignore our pleas for a plan for Bubbly. She won't be getting an IEP, which is both a blessing and a curse.

I try to look at the bright side of the situation. Even though it seems so backwards that she is receiving less because she has parents that are involved and advocating for her, we will get her where she needs to be. When we do, we'll know that we did it. I take some pride in the idea that we will have struggled, fought and eventually she will have won.

Now we just need to get to that place.

--FullPlateMom,

who will take 'so far, so good'...for now.

Ballet, Ballet.

2011-08-31T20:42:00.000-07:00

The little girls are helping me live out one of my mama dreams, taking my tiny daughters to ballet class. I'm super excited that Bubbly was able to participate. This was her reward for doing so well in her summer preschool program. She loved it. She listened, focused and didn't bother any of the other girls for the entire thirty minute class. She was even a little nervous when she went in. She clung to my leg a little, because she's attaching to me! She asked me to stay and watch her, which I wouldn't have missed for the world. Then, like any other 4-year-old, she looked over and waved every few minutes.

I am so impossibly proud of her.

The Diva loved it too. She's usually pretty shy in new situations, but she went right in holding Bubbly's hand, and told them all about herself. She'll be going to preschool this year, she's three, and she likes Bubble Guppies, especially the one with the pink hair.

Stretching at the beginning of class.

Introducing herself. She's Bubbly, she's 4, and she was born in Ghana.

She was trying so hard to follow everyone else.

After class.

--FullPlateMom,

who sees two prima ballerinas in her future.

33.

2011-08-22T20:02:00.000-07:00

I'm 33 today. Wow.

I got a lot of great gifts. I have wonderful friends and family. Middle-Middle hunted in my parent's backyard for a LONG time today to find me the perfect gift. Surprisingly, he found one.

A totally perfect four leaf clover.

Can life get any better?

--FullPlateMom,
who feels very lucky.

Being Present.

2011-08-21T18:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I struggle to be present when it comes to my children. It's hard with grad school, work and a business to not get lost in the shuffle. I watch them grow so quickly and I wonder how I can just let them go.

I'm going to strive to do more of this...

--FullPlateMom,
who wants you to think about the moments that matter the most to you.

A disclaimer: I'm not a member of the LDS Church. I just love their videos. I'm adding this note because I don't want anyone to think I'm trying to be something I'm not. Like I said, every once in a while these videos just stir my soul. So, I'm sharing it with you too. Take from it what you will. Happy Sunday!

Rising.

2011-08-16T12:32:00.000-07:00

Bubbly has been doing very well in preschool this summer. I had mentioned before that we chose to send her to a summer program for kids with special needs, a lot of them who have trauma in their past. There is an on-site therapist who works with the kids regularly and during a 'crisis', one we paid for. The program is only four hours per day, but she has made amazing strides. She is in her last two weeks there, then she will have one week off before she enters back into public school where the same therapist will 'bridge' into her 4K classroom, which we will also pay for.

For most families, this is paid for through the county, for FPD and I, we paid for it out of pocket. We are the only family in the program with a foreign born adopted child. The other children, for the most part, came out of foster care. They are all covered by Medical Assistance. When we were asked if we could continue to afford this for Bubbly, our answer was...how could we not? Our children's lives changed drastically this summer as we all banded together to tighten the belt so that Bubbly could do this. My kids are awesome. No summer camp, no big vacation, secondhand clothes. It's not easy, but it is SO important. I wish every child who needed it had access to the services Bubbly is receiving. I wish every child who had been abused at the hands of Luckyhill had a chance to heal like Bubbly has.

I finally feel like we are rising out of the ashes. As of today, there is hope that Bubbly will go into Kindergarten WITHOUT AN IEP. No diagnosis haunting her. As of right now, the therapist and preschool staff are confident in her ability to, eventually, function in a classroom without being any kind of huge behavioral problem. I have one thing to say about that...

CAN I GET A HECK YEAH?!?

We came, we diagnosed, and for right now, we have overcome. The therapist, the one who sees her everyday, feels she doesn't need meds, that she just needed someone who understands trauma.

There will be setbacks. There will be regressions.

For now, there is hope.

My hope. For my daughter.

--FullPlateMom,

who thinks her little wounded bird is more like a phoenix.

Expressions of Love.

2011-08-14T07:07:00.000-07:00

I thought this was absolutely beautiful.

I loved the part where the gentleman says that he can't imagine having come this far, it being this good, just to watch it end. It doesn't, that is God's promise to us. On this Sunday morning, this brought me comfort.

--FullPlateMom,
who hopes you find comfort on this Sunday morning too.

A disclaimer: I'm not a member of the LDS Church. I just love their videos. I'm adding this note because I don't want anyone to think I'm trying to be something I'm not. Like I said, every once in a while these videos just stir my soul. So, I'm sharing it with you too. Take from it what you will. Happy Sunday!

Come for a Hike with the Full Plate Family

2011-08-13T10:23:00.000-07:00

We camped this week. We're back now. We're alive. No one was eaten by a bear, mostly because there aren't any where we camped, but stories about them abounded, and I may or may not have hid in the woods to scare the tar out of some of the older children by making bear noises. Come on! It was funny!

We went camping in a state park that has abundant hiking trails. Hiking is an activity all of us can do together. It also gives Bubbly a mission. She has to focus on getting to the end of the hike. What can I say? The girl needs structure. Walking for two to three miles is about as structured as it gets. She's a trooper and it's good bonding time. She incessantly points out all the nature-y things she sees and we tell her how cool they are. It's good.

Do you want to see what it's like to hike with seven kids? Come on. I'll show you.

Are you in good shape? Oh good, because this little girl is cute, but she will walk about ten feet before she tells you her feet hurt. You'll spend the next two miles carrying her on your shoulders or giving her a "tiggy back".

If you say no, she'll just stare at you like this....

What do you mean you won't carry me? Unacceptable. Commence weeping, so we carry her, because after seven kids, we're suckahs like that.

About half a mile in the clamoring for snacks will begin. "But we KNOW you packed granola bars? Can we have one? How about some trail mix? PLEASE!!!" You would think they were never fed. They are. No worries. We'll make them go to the halfway point before handing out snackage.

FPD will show you all kinds of cool things, and Giggles will listen intently. The other ones, not so much.

When you get to the top of the bluff, you'll have to pose for the obligatory picture.

Then we'll make you hike back down. Along the way we might find some other cool stuff. Maybe there will be a vine to swing on. We'll be there for twenty minutes because EVERYONE has to have a turn.

Odd and random injuries will inevitably occur. FPD might get hit in the ear with a stick from a low hanging tree branch (well, low is a relative term since he is 6' 4" tall). The branch will puncture his ear drum and he will have to have it repaired by ENT. Yes, that happened. No worries, we kept right on hiking. He'll see ENT later in the week.

We'll get distracted when we find a cave to play in.

But, the biggest miracle of all will occur when there is actual photographic evidence that I was on the hikes at all. I made it into TWO pictures people. TWO. I really do exist.

Are you ready to hike with us next time? It's endless entertainment. There's really never a dull moment.

--FullPlateMom,
who wouldn't have it any other way.

Eight is GREAT!!!

2011-07-28T07:27:00.000-07:00

Middle-Middle turned 8-years-old earlier in the week. How do you describe how much you appreciate a boy that is both your joy and the bane of your existence? M-M wouldn't have been an only child no matter what God chose for him, but he was adopted into a family of seven children and still acts like an only child.

He has an absolutely wicked sense of humor and cute little face that protects him from getting the kick in the pants that he most often deserves.

We love you M-M. Thanks for NOT choosing Ch*uck E. Che*ese for your birthday party. I love you even more, just for that.

The eldest four, swimming off into the sunset.

The Diva. My baby is SO big.

On the diving board.

In action.

The splash.

Coming up for air.

Presents, because what else counts on your 8th birthday?

--FullPlateMom,
who thinks eight might really be great.

When you're from a place where it's not okay to be gay.

2011-07-26T13:49:00.000-07:00

Giggles is a girl who watches, learns and takes in everything she sees. She was aware of the idea of same sex couples before she came to the U.S. When she arrived, she was introduced to some of these couples in real life. She wasn't very tolerant. It was embarrassing.

It's not that she was outwardly rude. She was shy, and had A LOT of questions later. The questions involved whether or not the two people in the relationship would spend eternity 'burning'.

She meant...in hell. Oh man.

So, we explained to Giggles what we believe about hell (not a whole lot) and how we don't believe that someone would 'burn' just because they love what society views as the "wrong person". I know, I know. We're Evangelical Christian. Well, we're not that kind of Evangelical Christian. We're the kind that doesn't spread hatred. Believe what you want, but I won't teach my children to shun anyone. The bible is open to all kinds of whacky interpretations. There are some people who believe the bible tells them that black people are automatically less than white people. Hmmm...can't say I buy into that garbage either.

I'm rarely critical of my children's homeland. I can see the beauty, and the tragedy, in the country they came from. THIS is too much though. This is what the government of my children's former homeland is spending their time on...

Ghana President Calls Gays a Menace

To be fair, the article says that no one is quite sure how President Mills feels about homosexuality, because he won't come out and say. He won't discuss whether he made these comments or not. I also have to say that journalism in Ghana is largely unregulated and you can pay a Ghanaian journalist a little bit of money to write a lot of garbage. So, who knows?

I do know that this is unacceptable.

Paul Evans Aidoo's Gay Spy

The above article is from the BBC, probably a little more reliable, but still, British Journalism isn't without bias either. Take from it what you will, believe what you want, but I really don't like the direction this is headed. Ghana has always been a leader in Africa, on the forefront of better things; a stronger economy, promoting education, helping the underserved....

Now this?

Are you really going to start a witch hunt, Ghana? Really? Because you don't have any other problems to deal with? Let me tell you...you do. Sexual abuse of young children is RAMPANT in your country, and usually occurs at the hands of STRAIGHT men. Deal with that first. While you are improving your educational system in your country, you have a long way to go. Deal with that too. And, many, many people still rely on foreign aid just to eat. This needs to be dealt with as well. All these things should rank well above the need to flush out your 'underground gay community'.

Let's pretend for one second that the figure in the article is correct, and 8000 gay people really did register with AIDS charities in Ghana. 8000 gay people? As compared to how many straight people? I would be willing to bet my last charitable contribution to your country that there are far more NOT GAY people with HIV/AIDS in your country than gay people. Gay people are not spreading AIDS in your country. AIDS is NOT a gay disease. We figured that out in the 1980s. It was a lesson learned the hard way, at the expense of an innocent boy. Don't make the same mistake, Ghana.

Giggles obviously doesn't surf the internet, so we won't be discussing this with her. I'll wait until she is old enough that she can see the parallel between what Ghana is supposedly doing right now (accusing people of being gay and then attempting to prosecute them) and another important event in U.S. history.

--FullPlateMom,

who REALLY hopes this is all a mistake.

Can you help?

2011-07-24T19:25:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that after the disaster that was Luckyhill, I have been extremely jaded. I don't hand out money to any charity without some serious questioning, which I should have done before giving any to the so called "children's foundation". I prefer to give money where I can see a direct impact now. I'll give money for a specific child's surgery, or sponsor a individual child to go to school.

Dorothy, aka (Sub)Urban Servant linked this blog...

Blessed by 10

Oh my gosh! I remember little boys just like Elijah when I was a Peds Heme/Onc RN. I remember what it was like to watch their families suffer along side them as they went through transplant. It rocks your world. You can't work, your other children take a backseat to the current crisis, and you wonder whether or not your child is going through this just to end up losing the battle.

If you go to the blog and click on 'ways to help' you can see where the mom has requested gas cards. What a simple thing to do for this family! You know your money won't be squandered, and you're helping a family in crisis.

Awesome.

--FullPlateMom,

who will pray for Elijah as he hits Day 0. Bone marrow day!

The Royal Wedding.

2011-07-16T15:47:00.000-07:00

Not William and Kate.

My brother and his wife. It felt epic, mostly because it took SO much work to get ready for. Ever try to wrangle four boys into ties? No? Let me tell you, they complain bitterly, as if the tie is cutting off their very ability to breathe.

And the hair? Here you go. 17 hours of hair braiding.

Giggles's hair all done up with a lovely rhinestone clip.

Bubbly wanted a similar style to her big sis.

All in all, I think it turned out pretty darn good. We got one decent picture of me and the two eldest before the wedding.

Lookin' good.

The following day my sister announced her wedding date. I'll be rockin' the Matron of Honor frock for that one. So, we get to do this all over again next summer. Can't wait!

--FullPlateMom,

who thinks Matron makes her sound WAY older than 32.

Turning Point.

2011-07-03T21:30:00.000-07:00

When you have adopted children, it is always a struggle to answer people's questions. You have to gauge what kind of response the person is looking for and the situation that surrounds the question that is being asked. Are they really interested? Are they asking because they're just being polite? Do they mean well, but are misguided? Are the kids going to hear my response? Do I need to answer in a way that models understanding and compassion even when the question is asinine, or should I let them have it because they're question is so beyond rude that I need to stop any further questions? It's so much to weigh.

Social events are always like a breeding ground for these type of situations. My brother's wedding this weekend is a good example. It takes one of these huge social gatherings to realize just how oblivious some people are. I know we're an atypical family. My kids are black, FPD and I are not, and there are a lot more children in our family than are typical in a nuclear family in the United States. I understand that. I also understand, as well as the next parent of a high number of children, how curious looking we are. I'm used to the not so smart, or kind, comments. However, this weekend absolutely holds the record for idiotic and hurtful questions.

We always have the usual questions. You know, the ones that I live with on a daily basis and I probably shouldn't be so annoyed at, yet I still am. We'll call this line of questions the Green Zone. This category includes such winners as...

Are these all yours?

Aren't you young to have SEVEN?

Don't you have help?

How do you do it?

Aren't you overwhelmed? I have *insert low number here* child(ren) and I'm overwhelmed!

Then there are the questions that raise my blood pressure and make my molars grind together, but you let them roll because you figure the person is just naturally curious, or just really uninformed. We'll call these questions the Yellow Zone.

Do you think they all get enough attention?

Are you going to adopt anymore?

Aren't you interested in having your own children?

Do you think they'll want to go back to their real parents when they're adults?

Then you've got a whole category of questions that should NEVER be asked, whether they're in front of one of our kids or if you're just with me. They're the kind of questions that make me want to puke and usually come from people who lack any common sense at all. These are Red Zone questions, and there wasn't alcohol enough in the free world, let alone at my brother's wedding, to make me want to answer any of them. Yet, I spent all weekend dealing with them.

Do your kids know how lucky they are that you saved them?

Are any of your children's birth parents in jail?

I could NEVER just GIVE AWAY my child? What in the world was their real mom thinking?

Which one of your kids was born addicted to drugs?

Are any of them real brothers and sisters?

I think it's obvious why the first four Red Zone questions are so darn appalling, but the last one is probably the worst. I have spent the entirety of my time as a mother making sure my kids understand that they have each other in this world, come hell or high water, and with one question this person has made them wonder...are we really a family?

UGH!

I can't tell you how sad this makes me. My kids are old enough to understand now. The worst part is that I have a relative who sat two feet from my eldest two and talked about how "different" it would be when my brother has children, because they will be "genetic" grandchildren.

YOU IDIOT!!!!

I watched my two eldest and didn't know what to do. In the end, I said nothing. My new sister-in-law spent a fortune on this wedding. It would have been ruined if I had chosen to confront this person. They were probably drunk, and they would have made drama that no one needed. Now that it's over, I'm sitting here wondering if I broach the subject with my kids. Do I ask them if they heard? I'm inclined not to. I don't want to bring it up if they weren't really listening. It's possible they didn't hear. If they did, that had to hurt so badly. If they didn't though, then I'm just creating needless drama and heartache.

Whether they heard or not, this kind of thing breaks my heart for them. It also makes me wish that, just for a little while, we weren't so conspicuous. Not that I would change who they are, or how they look, but if for just a few days we could all live without the constant questions, the double takes, and the ignorant comments, I would do it.

Mostly, I wish the real world would just disappear for a little while. Do I wish my family away with them though? We lost a lot of friendships and relatives when we made the decision to adopt the kids from Ghana. Our lives became almost too 'out there' for some people to handle. So, they just backed away. Those kind of relationships were easy to let go of. This is my family though. Do I walk away from family?

After this, I'm tempted to. I'm tempted to just tell myself that this was the turning point and then try to shut out the outside world for as long as humanly possible. If that includes my family, then so be it.

Alas, I know that's not possible, and probably isn't good for anyone.

It doesn't stop me from wishing it away though. Just for today.

--FullPlateMom,

who knows that the real world is called real for a reason.

A Recap.

2011-07-02T05:52:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in fo-evah! Summer is supposed to be a time to cool our heels and relax, right?

Not so much.

At least, not a Full Plate Manor. The Ghanaian-Americans all have summer school/tutoring. ShyGuy still doesn't read at grade level, thanks to the fine education that Ghana offered him, so he qualified for summer school. We pushed until they let Giggles go with him. Bubbly will continue to go to school year round, mostly because Bubbly and transition don't go well together. Good news is the preschool we're sending her to this summer has expertise in working with kids who have PTSD and other emotional disorders. Can I just comment on how sad it is that a preschool can specialize in something like that? Other good news is that they say she is SO smart that they want to put her in the class ahead. Bad news is that her behavior is holding her back from actually doing that. Bubbly escaped the teacher and hid in the playhouse on the playground. They couldn't find her for nearly thirty minutes, which was long enough for me to get a phone call that made me practically foam at the mouth with panic. It was awful. She's fine. Other bad news is that I practically need to take out a second on my house to afford this preschool, which lost my child, but specializes in working with children with PTSD and other emotional disorders.

She's getting better though, we can see it happening a little bit every day. She also cracks us up with her wicked verbal skills. She and Gigantobaby are hilarious! They have a love/hate relationship that involves a lot of arguing. I usually find it irritating, but occasionally I'll listen from the other room and bust a gut laughing at their debate skills. Since they face certain doom if they get into it physically, they'll sit around and just debate for hours. "You did it!" "No, you did! I saw you with my eyes, which is proof. I saw you put soap in that babies hair! Stop trying to frame me!" Uhhh...frame you? Have they been watching Law and Order while I'm not looking?

I have to post some pics from the big events in our lives since I've been gone.

The eldest two boys joined the Drum Line at our local Boys & Girls Club, where 95% of the kids are African-American. It has been awesome experience for them!

ResponsiBoy takes it VERY seriously.

ShyGuy on graduation day.

Hugging the Kindergarten teacher that has touched so many kid's lives. This teacher is AWESOME! He taught a little boy who HATED school to love it. Then, he made sure he would be teaching ShyGuy's summer school class too.
Amazing.

My brother is getting married today. Our shoes are all shined and the girlies are all braided. I'm in the wedding and FPD is doing a reading. I'll make sure to post pics.

--FullPlateMom,

who sees a curly updo in her future.

It's Snow-ing in Utah!

2011-05-19T20:00:00.000-07:00

Not literally, but the adoptive family of the two little boys that all of us ex-Luckyhill parents and volunteers have come to know and love (but shall remain nameless) have posted to their blog!

For all of you who emailed me about our two smallest friends from Luckyhill, you can now go and see how wonderfully happy they look. Remember these boys?

Bubbly and her best friend getting ready for church. They have both changed SO much since this was taken in March of 2009.

Such a sweet boy! He looks SO much older now.

As I was leaving work tonight, after a long shift, I picked up my cell and saw a voicemail from the boys' new mom. I pressed play and I heard a voice that I would recognize anywhere. It was my little friend pictured above. I had to pull the car over and cry. People, I swear to you, I NEVER cry except in Ghana, or apparently, about Ghana. The voice on the other end of the phone sounded SO happy. Words can't express how good this makes me feel, and after absolutely every roadblock possible was thrown at this family to try to stop these boys from getting here, where they belong.

They're here now. So, go and see for yourself, because if you doubt that there are miracles, you won't after you read their story and see their happy faces.

One Flake at a Time.

--FullPlateMom,

who loves a happy ending.

Infectious.

2011-05-17T20:27:00.000-07:00

I'm not talking about a disease sweeping through our house. In this instance, I'm talking about lying. This disgusting habit has become totally infectious in our home. Be warned, I am raising a passel of tiny little liars. I have been called to school three times this week about lies my kids have told.

It is becoming embarrassing.

I'll let you in on a secret, it's not the Ghanaians who are the guilty party. It is two of the children that I have raised since infancy.

This makes it even more embarrassing.

There is no way to pass it off as an "orphanage behavior" because they've never lived in an orphanage!!! Don't get me wrong, I think all the pathological lying that ShyGuy does has certainly contributed to the idea that if you are in trouble then you should definitely lie your way out of it. Or, better yet, if you really want to win at a contest, you should just go ahead and cheat. Yes, sadly, these are the issues we have had to deal with this week.

FPD and I are pretty honest people. Heck yeah, I've told my fair share of white lies (no, you don't look fat at all, or, yes, I love my bridesmaid dress for your upcoming wedding), but when it comes to the big stuff, I would NEVER lie. I'm honest to the point of creating problems for myself sometimes (hello to all the families who watched my last adoption. It wasn't pretty, but I was honest). So, where on God's green earth did my kids get the idea that it's okay to lie?

I really, really hope that this is a phase and that with all the consequences my boys are facing, and all the talks we will be having about the importance of honesty, that they will come out of this. Otherwise, I'm raising a bunch of sociopaths.

--FullPlateMom,
who really doesn't want to see her kid's face on America's Most Wanted.

All My Children...

2011-05-14T06:41:00.000-07:00

This is just the title of this post, but in unrelated news, I'm sad to see this show is being cancelled. I used to watch it in my lonely adolescent summer days. I remember Kelly Ripa when she was angst-ridden, goth, Hailey Chandler. Sad. Mostly because ABC will probably replace it with crappy reality television.

I hate reality TV. On a good note, it forces me to turn off the TV and read more. I don't think I've read so much in a LONG time.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming...

LOOK AT MY KIDS...THEY'RE GETTING SO BIG!

My boys on Easter. I LOVE being mom to boys. No drama. They punch each other and it's over.

I don't condone violence, but there's a lovely simplicity to these kind of interactions.

No muss, no fuss.

There's something about my girls that brings me joy too, even on those whiny, drama-filled days.

Giggles is becoming a true companion, Bubbly is healing slowly but surely and the Diva is my baby

(even though she would protest that title vehemently).

She's more than a little naughty as well.

Secretly, naughty 3-year-olds make me laugh.

--FullPlateMom,

who is probably the only mom in the world who mourned the loss of having a child in diapers. It has been almost a decade of diapering. Where did the time go?

Finally!

2011-05-13T17:55:00.000-07:00

Bubbly had two little friends in Ghana who shared her miserable existence at Luckyhill. They were the two who went through everything she did, who shared the same heartache. They were two little boys who were loved by everyone who ever crossed their paths, and who inspired everyone who met them. I used to wallpaper my blog with pics of these two little boys and Bubbly. Then the day came when they became someone's sons, and I took down the pictures and the FullPlate Family began to quietly pray for them daily.

I never thought the day would come that someone would be willing to walk the broken path that would bring these boys home. We rejoiced when an awesome family stepped forward for them, confident that it was God's plan to bring them together. I'll admit, there were days though when I thought the world might never allow them to get here.

Their mom walked through fire to get them to the U.S., and she is a testament to faith and perseverance in the face of what seemed like insurmountable obstacles. I am amazed by the hand that guided my children to me, because it is the same hand that guided her children to her. We serve one awesome God!

The U.S. has two new citizens, and I don't think I've ever met two who deserve what America has to offer more than they do.

Welcome home from another family with SEVEN children!

--FullPlateMom,
who feels like God is answering in a BIG way today.

Mother's Day with Children who Have Already been Mothered.

2011-05-09T12:41:00.000-07:00

On Mother's Day my thoughts naturally gravitate to my children's first mothers. There are six of them, two of whom I've never personally met. The four faces of thee women I did get to meet are etched, timelessly, in my memory. I'll never forget what they looked like holding or hugging their children goodbye. The grief, the heartache and the hope that was reflected in their eyes the day I walked away with children that would never call them mom again is something that words can't do justice to. Mother's Day is a bag of mixed emotions for me, as I'm sure it is for my children, especially for the ones who remember their mother and are now celebrating another one all together.

There was no discussion of any of this yesterday. Selfishly, I wanted to enjoy my day. I would imagine that when you have a baby, you don't have to think about anything but how you should be celebrated on Mother's Day. All the children that call me 'mom' had a mom before I came along. It's one of those things that is a definite hardship about being a mom to adopted children. I'm not one to be all sunshine and roses. I prefer honesty. To be honest, on Mother's Day, it makes me sad to think about the loss those women must be feeling, and it gives my gut a little squeeze to think that my children would be thinking about anyone but me.

I know they are though.

So today we'll be talking about their birth mothers. We'll be discussing how thankful I am to their first mothers, because I am. Even when I get that little pang of jealousy, I am grateful to them, because if they hadn't made the selfless choice, no one would be calling me mom at all.

--FullPlateMom,
who has been richly blessed by six very different, but very wonderful, women.

A New Full-Time Job.

2011-05-05T08:54:00.000-07:00

First of all, I want to say thank you to everyone who commented on the 'excess' post. These last few weeks have taught me that I don't have an excess of anything, not children, and certainly not time.

Bubbly has finally caught the attention of the school system. I have been twisting their arm for some time now, telling them that there is something not right with her. They agreed, but it wasn't 'bad enough' to do anything about. She hasn't gotten worse. In fact, in my eyes, she's gotten a lot better. She has been in public school long enough for them to notice that what we said about her is true, and that they haven't been able to help her as quickly as they would like. You mean they couldn't fix her in a matter of months either? You mean she really has the problems that I described? SHOCKING!!! Maybe they underestimated just how affected she is by the crappy beings that were the first three years of her life.

Trauma isn't something that she's just going to "get over" because she isn't in that situation anymore. I just watched a news report on a girl adopted from Romania in the early 90s. She is 24 years old now. She has an Autism diagnosis that is largely attributed to the way she began her life. Bubbly will probably end up with a diagnosis. It won't probably be exactly the correct diagnosis, and we're refusing to medicated her thus far so it doesn't really matter what they want to label her with, but I know it has to do with the way she began her life. Some of it is probably her, but there is NO WAY that her life at the orphanage didn't contribute to this.

It has become a full-time job to advocate for Bubbly. No, she doesn't need medication. Yes, she does need special accommodations (and help) at school. No, we don't want to speak with the school shrink (we have one who specializes in trauma, and the guy at school just doesn't get us). Yes, we do want to talk to the social worker. I've killed a forest of trees with the paper I've used to fill out forms. Forms about her behaviors at home, at school, in the car, in the store, on a bike...just kidding, but it's a lot of forms. I have meetings about her more days than I don't. She occupies more than half my time when I'm home with all the kids. I have seven kids, and she occupies 50% of my time. It's hard.

But, do you know what has been the hardest? Admitting that I have a daughter who needs this. She needs all the forms, the help, the social worker. I've never had that before. I never thought I would be able to parent a child who fell into the category of 'Emotionally/Behaviorally Disturbed'. She has an EBD diagnosis now. The surprising part is...

I'm glad.

I'm glad she's going to get even more help. I'm glad that every time we meet with the folks who are helping me that I feel more confident that someday this may not be necessary. I'm glad to tell them all how far she's come.

I'm glad she's here, and not there.

I'm thankful for my new full-time job. I'm thankful that I'm her mom.

--FullPlateMom,

who knows that while she might be a crazy girl, she's our crazy girl.

Excess.

2011-04-03T13:27:00.000-07:00

Someone commented, yet again, on the number of children we have. This time, they chose to use the word "excessive". FPD and I, apparently, have adopted an excessive number of children. Their comment was based, yet again, on the misguided notion that I can't be giving each one of my seven children enough "individual attention". I've discussed here, many times before, why I hate having these conversations. I hate the judgement that people feel they have a right to impose simply because we don't have a mainstream family.

This comment burned more than the rest. I think it's because I hate the way the word excess was applied. I'm no saint, and I certainly didn't take in seven children that no one else wanted. So, I certainly wasn't going to argue that with this moron. I did wonder, as this idiot kept blathering, when it had become a inalienable right to have your parents total and undivided attention in a way that makes it so that they can't have more than the average two or three children? When did we become so self-centered as to think that the only possible way you can raise a child is to make sure they feel like they are the center of the universe? Is that the way the rest of the world of will feel about your child? Probably not. And, isn't the point of parenting to prepare your child to live in the real world? Sheesh.

And excess? I don't think so. While I'm very blessed to have the children I do, excessive is the opposite of the word I would use to describe FPD and I. We gave up a lot to make sure that our kids get absolutely everything that any other American child gets (without being excessive that is. Tee hee). They have extracurricular activities, they have really nice clothes (that I shop endlessly for with coupons and by stalking second hand stores) and I learned to braid hair in ways that make African-American ladies ask me which salon I take the girls to.

I wanted to tell this person how all these things pale in comparison to what my seven kids give to each other.

I wanted to ask this person if she knew just how blessed my children are to have each other? They have something that I'll never have. They have six other people who know exactly how it feels to walk the road they did. I see them bonding in ways I never thought possible. They understand each other, they care about each other and they are family. I am four years older than my brother, and eleven years older than my sister. My childhood was lonely. We have only children hanging out at our house every single day because they are lonely. Our house is a home. Each child brings something to our family that I never thought possible. Is it excessive to have seven children who know that this home is their place in the world? Even when that place is sometimes loud, occasionally smelly and usually sticky, it's their home, something some of them didn't have up until now, until they found each other.

--FullPlateMom,
who doesn't call that excessive at all.

Life is boring, and we like it that way.

2011-03-29T07:55:00.000-07:00

Not too many updates here at FullPlateManor. Life is boring, which is just how we like it. We're making plans for summer already, which has me absolutely THRILLED. I love summer! Since I work evenings, I don't get to see the school age kids during the day as much as I would like to. I volunteer at their school, and we eat lunch together once a week (yay for getting to sit at the lunch table with them while they still think I'm cool!). Other than helping them with their homework though, we don't get to do a whole heck of a lot of fun stuff together during the week. Weekends are the fun times.

That all changes during the summer. We play outside. We swim everyday. We ride bikes, and we just hang together. Then, I go to work while they're winding down. We're also planning to go out west to see good friends again. Yay for fun summer vacations! ShyGuy is a little bummed that he won't get to be on the swim team this year. He's still only reading at a level two, so he has qualified for summer school. We need to pump up those reading skills. He knows all 26 letters of the alphabet now (he knew two when he came here). He also knows all the sounds the letters make and he can sound out words, but he is still SO slow when he reads. He gets frustrated easily, and he is called ShyGuy for a reason. Sometimes, he just freezes when he gets nervous and you can't tell if he doesn't know the answer or if he's just too shy to speak. So, he needs summer school. It will be good for him. He has a lot of time left to dominate in the pool. We'll get there eventually.

Bubbly is still rockin' in the Early Childhood program at school. She'll take the summer off, which I'm extremely nervous about. Transition and Bubbly aren't friends. I'm hoping for a better summer for her than the last one, because that's what it's all about, making slow progress. She's doing it. I just want her to be happy.

In other news, GigantoBaby turned FIVE last week, so I'll post pics soon. We went to (drum roll please)...

Chuck E. Cheese.

Yay!

--FullPlateMom,
who thinks the pizza at 'the Chuck' tastes like cardboard.

FIVE...

2011-03-27T06:14:00.000-07:00

My gigantic guy turned five today.

He wants you to know that it was...GROOVY!

--FPM,

who is mom to a 5-year-old who is taller than her 7-year-old. The food bills...they are enormous.

One Year--When God Hands You Plan B.

2011-03-23T13:30:00.000-07:00

A good friend and I were talking today. This week marks one year since I returned to the U.S. accompanied by my two newest children, after a four week ordeal that was like something that one could only find in a major motion picture. My kids were here, and they're great. For others, a whole different kind of ordeal was beginning. There are some people that are still picking up the pieces of what was lost when we all discovered just how badly we had been lied to.

For a year, we've all prayed, watched and hoped that miracles would happen. As I sat here, getting ready to type about the miracle that is the one year anniversary of bringing home Giggles and ShyGuy, I got a call that we've been praying for every.single.day. It doesn't matter how many ups and downs we've had. It doesn't matter that the three that came from the orphanage that is no more have a long way to go to heal. None of it matters. They're here, and on the one year anniversary of their miracle, someone else finally has theirs. Is it appropriate to go into a giant Oprah-style ugly cry? I'm already there.

I've often wondered why God allows suffering. How did my kids get here when so many others didn't? How do I have SEVEN adopted children when some people struggle to adopt one? My good friend, who will forever be bonded to me by what we all endured over there, reminded me that God can't fix all the world's evil. People have free will, some people choose to use it to tear others down. We can only pray to the God who waits in the wings, with a plan B that will be the answer to everything you've ever wanted, because He knows what is right.

For the families that have been devastated by what happened in Ghana, God has handed out plan Bs like they're going out of style. Words can't express how grateful I am for being allowed to witness it. After all the horror, the abuse and the lies we all had to endure, there is hope.

--FullPlateMom,
who can't think of a better way to celebrate one year with her miracles.

Happy Birthday Giggles!

2011-03-06T17:18:00.000-08:00

So, I am mom to a nine/ten year old. If we were in Ghana, Giggles would be turning ten, and according to her new U.S. birth certificate, she is now in the double digits. But, all her medical records from Ghana say she is nine. So does her dental exam. So, Giggles is living her ninth year of life twice. Her pediatrician agreed to change her medical records to indicate she is nine because he firmly believes she is. The judge for her re-adoption didn't agree. We don't know what to do with her age since we don't really know what it is. I don't want to take away the age that she might truly be, but I also didn't want to put her a grade ahead in school when she is already the smallest child in her class (by far). So, later, I guess she'll get to choose. It will only be a problem if she plays college athletics. For now, we tell everyone that in the U.S. she is nine, Ghana will always think she is ten. Ah well.

She had a wonderful ninth birthday. We had a pizza party on her birthday and we went throw back skating today. I skated on actual roller skates (not rollerblades) for the first time since...hmmm...the eighth grade, maybe? And, we gotto skate to some really awesome '80s music! Giggles had a blast! She loved ice skating, but likes roller skating even better. She says it's not as cold. So true, and so important for a girl from sub-saharan Africa. We love you, Giggles! And, we're so blessed to get to call you our daughter!

--FullPlateMom,
who really loves whipping around the rink to Michael Jackson tunes.

Ask a Mormon (not me).

2011-02-24T20:15:00.000-08:00

Shannon is letting people ask her anything they want to about being a member of the LDS Church. This is a good opportunity for people to ask what they really want to know, like the important stuff, like what's the deal with their underwear? I'm kidding! She did answer that question though.

I'm not a member of the LDS Church, but I think most of them are pretty normal (I said most, there are always a few weirdos in a crowd, we have them at our church too). So, if you want to know why they put Jell-o in their carrots, or why they don't drink Coke, ask away. I'm kidding! As Shannon would tell me, that's Mormon culture not doctrine. Seriously though, for all you people in my neck of the woods, who may never have met a Mormon in your whole life, now is your chance to read a little about what they really believe. It's pretty much the same thing most Christians believe.

Connecting The Dots

--FullPlateMom,

who is off to find something from MSNBC to post just to really annoy Shannon's husband, Rob. Tee hee.

Feeling Blue? What did you do?

2011-02-22T06:59:00.000-08:00

Having been through six adoptions, of seven kids, I'm no stranger to the big let down that comes with finally getting the child into our home. It seems counterintuitive that you would have depression after working for months (sometimes YEARS) to get your child home. Well, it happens. It is definitely a pattern for me. With all the kids we brought home as babies, it didn't hit me nearly as hard as it did with our older kids. The therapist tells me that it's because I'm still coming to grips with all the lies we were told about our Ghanaian kid's past. I suppose it is depressing to have to be slapped in the face over and over with the loss of what you thought you knew. We pictured life one way for us, and for them, and it isn't going to be that way. It's a loss, I'm grieving, or so I'm told.

I'm not the only one to go through this. I have a lovely support network of parents whose kids came from the same place mine did. It's nice to hear how they're working through it, what they're kids are doing for therapy and what their therapists say. We're therapists for each other sometimes as well. It's important that I make sure that FPD and I get what we need as well. It's easy to get lost in the Occupational Therapy, Behavioral Therapy and Psychotherapy that Bubbly is going through to heal her little heart.

So, for all you adoptive moms and dads out there, make sure you're taking time for you. FPD and I went to therapy together when we found out what really happened to Bubbly. We went again when we found out what Giggles had been through. We sent all three of the kids from Ghana together for awhile. Now the school therapist is handling most of those needs. They're doing well. I think they're going to make it. Some days are better than others, but I see a light at the end of the tunnel. When I saw that light, it was time to deal with what was going on with FPD and I. For maybe the second time in nearly a year of having the Duo at home, we actually went out! Not like we got a babysitter so that we could take one of the kids somewhere, we actually went out! On the town! At night! I know! Can you believe it? It felt nice. We joked, and laughed and ate some really good food. It felt like us again. I love that man.

FPD has always been a runner, biker, triathlete (and apparently, an igloo camping fool, remind me to tell you how that went, what an adventure!). I run, but I'm kind of half-a**ed about it. I'll do it for awhile, but then the kids will get in the way and I don't do it anymore. Sad. About two months ago, I got serious about it. I have been running a 5K every other day since the new year. It feels good. I feel stronger. I feel healthier. I feel more like me. I've also really been watching what I eat. I've begun counting my calories, not to lose weight, but just to make better choices. The kids are getting in on it too. GigantoBaby was pouring himself a cup of water the other day. I told him he could have one more cup, because it was before bed (and we all know what happens to little boys who have too many glasses of water before bed). He looked at me as he drank his second glass and said "why can't I have more water? Are two glasses of water a serving?" GigantoBaby has obesity in his family history. We don't deny him food, but just like me, he's learning to make better choices and eat only 1-2 servings at a time.

I've lost seven pounds since October. It didn't need to come off. I weigh a normal amount (well, except when I came home from Ghana as a size zero, that wasn't healthy). Now I just feel better. This worked for me. It doesn't work for everyone. Some moms, and dads, need medication for awhile to balance out the frenzy of emotions that comes with adopting. I felt like I should feel happy when the Duo came home. I should have felt grateful. They made it here! Others didn't. Others are still waiting. I was grateful, but I was also sad, lonely, disgusted and angry by the things that had happened to not only my kids, but to their friends. Adoption is loss on so many levels. I needed to grieve that loss a little too.

If anyone else has any insight on what they did to make themselves feel better about loss in their life, or in their child's life, feel free to comment. I would LOVE it! As always, I moderate the comments just because I don't like negativity. Constructive criticism and joking is fine. After all, I let the kids in Ghana call me "shrunken white chicken". I do have some sense of humor left.

--FullPlateMom,
who is off and running.

Ghanaians on Ice.

2011-02-20T18:54:00.000-08:00

We're still out of school up here. My kids miss school, but after really taking a look at the bill in dispute, the one that's causing our teachers to not return to work, I understand what they're asking for. I've actually never been more proud to live in the city I live in. We'll be headed up to the Capitol tomorrow to give the kids a taste of what it's like to fight for what you believe in. Not that they haven't seen that enough from FPD and I in their short lives. You fight for it in Ghana, you fight for it in your hometown.

Speaking of Ghana, the Duo received some happy news from their birth mom. We send our congrats to her in Ghana. The news is personal, but she now has the ability to access this blog as well. We're very happy for you!

It's a FullPlate Family tradition to go ice skating for Valentine's Day. There were plenty of opportunities this week since we weren't in school. The Ghanaians took to it like a duck to water. Some of the Americans are still learning.

Gigantobaby wouldn't let go of this contraption. When I talked him into it, he fell head first into the boards. Oops.

Do you remember how small she was last year? Bubbly is getting SO big.

ShyGuy and Middle-Middle are like a blur on the ice. ShyGuy had no fear about falling. His pants were SOAKED when he was finally done. The boy will try anything. He makes me SO proud.

Giggles wanted to know if I could spin in circles, like in the Olympics. The girl really thinks I can do anything. Ummm...not that.

ResponsiBoy always has fun showing the younger kids his stuff. He's a good skater.

--FullPlateMom,

who loves her some democracy.

Strike.

2011-02-17T05:37:00.000-08:00

This is day two of no school for six of my kiddos because the school teachers in our district are protesting a Budget Repair Bill that takes away their rights to collectively bargain. It actually affects all state workers, myself included, but up until now, I worried but hadn't been directly affected by it. After two days of having SEVEN children at home with me...I'm definitely affected...mentally.

Summer time with them at home is different. I tell them to run and be free. Being home with them in the winter like this is nuts! We did a lot of reading and math yesterday, my attempt at homeschool. Let me tell you, for those of you who do homeschool day in and day out, you people are my new heroes. I can't do it. I have no clue how to keep them engaged, they want to go watch TV and my seven-year-old whines CONSTANTLY. I guess that probably doesn't happen at school, but man, it was unreal yesterday. To all the teachers out there, you people should also be canonized.

You can't fix a state's budget by telling teachers, nurses, firefighters and policemen that you're taking away their rights to bargain for fair wages. You're squeezing blood from a rock. I'm very blessed to have the job that I do. I get a fair wage, because my union makes sure of it. I don't have mandatory overtime, because my union makes sure of it. I practice with other competent nursing staff, because my union makes sure of it. Yes, my union makes it very difficult to fire people who maybe should have moved on and retired a while ago, but someday, I'm going to be that highly paid older person, and I sure wouldn't want to be fired because of it. I live in a lovely city, which is usually my own little utopia to this kind of crap. Not anymore. Please, please, please give us our lovely teachers back!

--FullPlateMom,
who is at her wit's end.

A Little Love.

2011-02-14T21:24:00.000-08:00

Bubbly got a lovely text from her birth family today in Ghana. We texted back and hope they got it. It was a lovely Valentine's wish for her. It made her day! Thank you!

Giggles and ShyGuy loved their first Valentine's Day. Giggles had pajama day at school and had a blast making me about ten Valentines. I love how our daughter is opening up. ShyGuy felt bad that he didn't make me a Valentine, so he brought me a frosted cookie from his party at school. It had ridden home in a Ziploc in his backpack, so it had seen better days, but I savored it anyway. He's opening up as well. GigantoBaby also blessed me with some candy from his goodie bag.

I feel very loved. The Tiffany & Co. that FPD blessed me with also helped.

--FullPlateMom,
who hears the chocolate in the kitchen calling her.

Dual Purpose.

2011-02-08T21:20:00.000-08:00

This blog has just become dual purpose. I have given the name and address of it to Bubbly's family in Ghana. Not my intention for it, but a useful purpose. Sadly, some of Bubbly's family was told that she died recently. I don't really understand how, or why, this happened. I can hazard a guess, since there is a man in Ghana who used to facilitate adoptions that seems to like to tell this to adoptive and birth families alike.

FPD and I have been in contact with Bubbly's family many times over the last 48 hours. The trust that is destroyed by a lie like this is unreal, and it hurts our daughter's relationship with a family she might want to have a relationship in the future. For real, hasn't she been through enough? I have photographed Bubbly many times since she arrived home and have chronicled her little journey here. Hopefully, her family will be able to get to an internet cafe and take a peek.

For any of you who have children from Bubbly's former orphanage, and haven't heard from your children's birth families in awhile or even ever, it might be time to check in. You might be surprised at what they have been told. Bubbly's adoption is not in jeopardy. Bubbly is a legal citizen of the United States. Bubbly's adoption does NOT need fixing. I have told Bubbly's family many times that they don't need to pay money to correct any of her documents. Bubbly was readopted many months ago. A judge in the United States decided everything in Ghana was done correctly. It is finished. I am finished with it, and all of this, as well.

I am not finished with our Bubbly though. She is happy. She is healthy. She wants to tell her birth family..."I am fine."

Bubbly chose this picture herself.

--FullPlateMom,

who is sad that she even has to write this post.

Three Men and an Igloo.

2011-02-04T07:21:00.000-08:00

FPD is currently driving to a national forest five hours north of us. When he gets there, he, my cousin and my soon to be brother-in-law will snowshoe five miles into the forest and build an igloo to sleep in. It is eight degrees outside where we live. They are insane!

He has spent the last month prepping for this. He built a practice igloo in our backyard. The neighbor kids have all been in it over the last few weeks, it's the talk of the elementary school. "Did you know the FullPlate Family built an igoo? An actual igloo with a roof!" I never wanted to be one of those weirdo families that everyone talks about, but we apparently are. I have seven kids...and an igloo. Again, insanity.

After building the practice igloo, FPD built a pulk sled. I made inappropriate jokes about them having their own personal stretcher to pull behind them in case one of them froze solid. Seriously, this is a little nerve-wrecking though, and not just because I'm alone all weekend with seven children and a weekend full of drum lessons, dance and swimming. They're somewhere where there is no cell reception, and they're sleeping in an IGLOO! Have I said that enough? An IGLOO!

This is where FPDs idea of vacation and mine differ. I'm pretty active too. I run, I hike, I ski, but man, when it's eight degrees outside I want to be somewhere where the warm sand squishes between my toes. So while FPD is living in this...

This was made with the actual igloo maker that FPD is using.

I'll be thinking about how he owes me a weekend away, to someplace like this...

Ahhh...perfection

FullPlateMom,

who can smell the ocean already.

Snowmaggedon

2011-02-01T19:39:00.000-08:00

There's a blizzard going on up here. Tomorrow will be spent with seven children with cabin fever as we practice our math facts, watch movies and eat a lot of food. School has already been cancelled. My clinic will probably close tomorrow night (I hope so anyway). I LOVE snow days.

We've been working through some things in our home that have to be kept private for now. I can honestly say that FPD and I are exhausted, and this has definitely been the most difficult time we've experienced with our kids. We would love to have your prayers for our kids. We're rapidly approaching the one year mark and I think it's hitting our kids that they really are here to stay. Overall, we're so blessed that they're here, right now that's all that matters. The rest will will work itself out, I know that.

--FullPlateMom,
who says...let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Fusion.

2011-01-25T14:13:00.001-08:00

It's an odd thing to try to fuse together children who have no shared history. Giggles and ResponsiBoy do really well most of the time. They are now six months apart in age, and only one grade level apart. We attribute a lot of their non-competitiveness to the fact that they are opposite gender. Sometimes they rub each other the wrong way though. They're siblings, what did we expect?

Sometimes Giggles rubs me the wrong way. ResponsiBoy is a born leader. I am a leader, not a follower. ResponsiBoy has an inherent need to stand up for the little guy. I also feel this pull. Giggles doesn't. She is a sheep. She was born in a country where bullying is a necessity, where everyone is the little guy. So, she tends to pick whichever person she thinks is stronger and ally herself with them, even if they're the world's biggest tool. I'm going to be honest, it REALLY pisses me off.

She constantly buddies up to the meanest girls on the playground. I understand that this is a survival mechanism with her. It makes sense, if she's their "friend" they can't pick on her then, right? Secretly, I kind of hope they pick on her so that she knows that her idea has some flaws. So far, she's just too much of a people pleaser/popular to get picked on by the girls that matter. Today these girls decided to turn on her brother. Giggles didn't exactly join in. But, she sat idly by, and while not actually participating, she still didn't say anything. This infuriates me too. And, this isn't the first time this has happened with her and ResponsiBoy. The girl is a TOTAL sheep. I dislike sheep intensely.

I've used biblical examples of bullying, and how people who stand idly by are no better than the actual bullies. I've drawn real world parallels for her, like how her sister's orphanage in Ghana was shut down by people who wouldn't stand by and let the abuse she saw continue. I've used historical examples (FYI: I give a GREAT developmentally appropriate speech about Nazi Germany and how some really brave people stood up and helped the Jews). Nothing seems to have worked yet though. Maybe we just need to give her time to feel comfortable enough in her own skin to stand up for herself and others. For now, she was a bully on the playground today when she stood by and did nothing while her "friends" picked on other kids (including her brother). So, she's waiting in her room, thinking about her choices. Her dad will be home and, together, we'll dust off our 'Choose the Right' speech. Great Caesar's Ghost! I'm sick of giving that speech.

--FullPlateMom,
who would love your constructive input! No bullying allowed!

Fusion.

2011-01-25T14:10:00.000-08:00

It's an odd thing to try to fuse together children who have no shared history. Giggles and ResponsiBoy do really well most of the time. They are now six months apart in age, and only one grade level apart. We attribute a lot of their non-competitiveness to the fact that they are opposite gender. Sometimes they rub each other the wrong way though. Their siblings, what did we expect?

Sometimes Giggles rubs me the wrong way. ResponsiBoy is a born leader. I am a leader, not a follower. ResponsiBoy has an inherent need to stand up for the little guy. I also feel this pull. Giggles doesn't. She is a sheep. She was born in a country where bullying is a necessity, where everyone is the little guy. So, she tends to pick whichever person she thinks is stronger and ally herself with them, even if they're the world's biggest tool. I'm going to be honest, it REALLY pisses me off.

She constantly buddies up to the meanest girls on the playground. I understand that this is a survival mechanism with her. It makes sense, if she's their "friend" they can't pick on her then, right? Secretly, I kind of hope they pick on her so that she knows that her idea has some flaws. So far, she's just too much of a people pleaser/popular to get picked on by the girls that matter. Today these girls decided to turn on her brother. Giggles didn't exactly join in. But, she sat idly by, and while not actually participating, she still didn't say anything. This infuriates me too. And, this isn't the first time this has happened with her and ResponsiBoy. The girl is a TOTAL sheep. I dislike sheep intensely.

I've used biblical examples of bullying, and how people who stand idly by are no better than the actual bullies. I've drawn real world parallels for her, like how her sister's orphanage in Ghana was shut down by people who wouldn't stand by and let the abuse she saw continue. I've used historical examples (FYI: I give a GREAT developmentally appropriate speech about Nazi Germany and how some really brave people stood up and helped the Jews). Nothing seems to have worked yet though. Maybe we just need to give her time to feel comfortable enough in her own skin to stand up for herself and others. For now, she was a bully on the playground today when she stood by and did nothing while her "friends" picked on other kids (including her brother). So, she's waiting in her room, thinking about her choices. Her dad will be home and, together, we'll dust off our 'Choose the Right' speech. Great Caesar's Ghost! I'm sick of giving that speech.

--FullPlateMom,
who would love your constructive input! No bullying allowed!

When Dreams Do Come True...

2011-01-24T06:00:00.000-08:00

I remember last year, at this time, we were so close to getting Giggles and ShyGuy that I could taste it. We made what I prayed would be our last annual trip to Florida without them. We planned for them to be there with us in 2011. I booked a bigger condo, and even bought them "My First Visit" pins to wear in the parks this year.

We visit Disney World every year. I made this same trip as a kid. I'm a giant sucker for this kind of stuff. I love watching my kids really believe there is good, happy magic in this world. I love that they actually believe there is a place in this world where dreams really do come true.

After all, my dream came true... I had all seven of my kids with us this year.

Three of my guys with Stitch.

My three princesses.

Riding the Golden Carousel.

I can't believe how grown-up she looks!

This one says she is no longer my "baby". It kills me.

We salute you too, Gigantobaby.

When did she get shy?!?

My other dream come true. I love you, FPD!

All in all, a great vacation. Too bad it's below zero here now. No worries though, FPD is outside building a seven foot igloo. INSANITY!

--FullPlateMom,
who will not be participating in playing in the igloo. FPM and cold do not mix.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T06:22:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas! All 40 presents have been opened (it took FPD and I until 1am to get them all where they needed to be) and the children are playing happily in our family room with more new toys, books and games than they ever could have hoped for. Giggles and ShyGuy think that they are the "happiest children in the world." They might be right, but I am definitely the most blessed.

Last year, Bubbly laid at Santa's feet and attempted to kick him in a fit of rage. She had to come home and hang with me. She was so sad about that. She had "spoiled" her Santa picture. That picture isn't in our "Santa album". Instead, there is a picture of her and I. Being together was what mattered most at the time.

Look at her this year! She had a HUGE fit before we left to go see Santa. In the past, this would have lasted 2-3 hours. She would have raged to the point that the rest of the day would have been ruined. This time, she pulled it together in under 30 minutes and she managed to "make better choices" so she could see the big guy in red. Oh what a difference a year (and lots of therapy) makes! She was a little nervous about him, but agreed to stand with her big sister! Yay for attachment. She very politely told Santa what she wanted, and this morning, there it was! A brand new black Bitty Baby. She is in seventh heaven taking on and off all the outfits for it. I'm so proud of her. I also have to point out how nice all of the kids look, except the Diva, with her characteristic crabby face. And, I have to point out my goofball in the back! Oh, GigantoBaby, how many years will go by before we get a decent picture of you again? I told the photographer NOT to take another one. This one let their little personalities shine right through.

I'm so proud of all of them! I'm going to ring in the New Year with peace in my home...finally! My Christmas wish for all of you who read this, and have children who are healing their hearts, is that you find some peace in your homes in 2011 as well.

--FullPlateMom,

who says "God bless us, every one!" in her best British accent.

Angels We Have Heard on High...

2010-12-21T06:10:00.000-08:00

The kids had their Christmas program yesterday at church. For Giggles and ShyGuy, this is their first Christmas in America. They are so excited. ShyGuy can hardly wait for the presents. In an attempt to not create a greedy American child, we haven't given him any presents that he hasn't purchased with money he earned, like from doing chores, except for on his birthday. Same deal with Giggles. It was hard. Our families wanted to buy them everything. Now he'll get presents! The other kids are really good at balancing out the excitement over the presents, with the real meaning of Christmas. Church is helping him with that a lot too. Giggles is WAY more excited about the traditions. She is so into decorating the tree, making the cookies, reading Advent stories. She loves it.

She beamed at the idea of being in the Christmas program. Then we told her that Bubbly would be included this year. Then they both got the news that they would be angels. There was some snickering from FPD and I. Giggles plays the role really well (sometimes TOO well, she can be a little bit of a brown nosing people pleaser), but Bubbly just doesn't fit your typical angel mold. As Giggles complained, I reminded her how hard Bubbly was working. She shut up real quickly when she saw me come to Bubbly's defense and tell her that Bubbly is "my angel", and that if Bubbly hadn't come that I never would have found her either. Conversation over. We obviously have a long way to go to make these girls feel like "real" sisters. I'm hoping that in time, as memories of the orphanage fade, Giggles will forget what Bubbly was like to live with. Or, that she'll make the connection that what she saw Bubbly go through might explain some of these behaviors. The love for Bubbly just isn't there yet, and I can't force it. I also reminded her that lately, the Diva's behavior has been far less pleasant. She reluctantly agreed.

This year, the FullPlateFamily cast was made of two angels, three shepherds and a king. Giggles pulled it together and REALLY helped Bubbly during the program. She helped her into her costume, got her where she needed to be, and did all the things a big sister would. I'm proud of Giggles. I'm even more proud of Bubbly. She held true to her promises to be "really good" if we let her do this. She did great! She stood up on that stage, in full halo, and acted just like an angel.

I don't think I've ever been more proud of anything in my whole life. She, FPD and I did this together. No amount of professional success, all the A's in the world in grad school and all the money in the world won't ever top seeing your wounded little bird come back from the hell she's lived through. The journey hasn't ended, but the road just got a lot less bumpy. My own, personal, Christmas miracle. Consider my stocking full.

--FullPlateMom,
who saw no evidence of nose picking during the Christmas program. What's a good Christmas program without one of the preschool age shepherds or angels digging in their nose like no one is watching? I tell ya, it's practically a Christmas tradition! And, it's funny, when it's not my kid.

Long Time No See.

2010-12-18T15:59:00.000-08:00

I have been absent from blogging for a long while. The Christmas season is upon us, my house is under construction, and the kids are just plain busy. But, they're doing great. Bubbly is LOVING the structure of public school. She's really excelling. I guess my free wheeling child-led preschool just wasn't doing it for her. Makes sense when you think about it. She was never given any structure at the orphanage, she made very poor choices. If she's not given structure, she reverts to those poor choices. So, we're taking it back to the beginning, she doesn't get any choices for awhile until we work on making better ones. Public school doesn't offer a lot of choices. The kids are given an art project to do. They do it. They're told to go to gym. They do it. There's no room for poor choices. It sounds like the wrong way to learn, but it works for her.

I waited so long to say anything about her success because I was afraid to jinx it. I feel confident in saying, we've found what works for our daughter. Do I expect backslides? Heck yeah. But, she can do it. I know that now. We can have school success, which will hopefully lead to a happy life for our little Bubbly. I'm so proud of her. Here's what she's been up to...

She's a total snow bunny. And, it's snowy up here, so she's happy.

I have one more update to give. Those of you who know where Giggles, ShyGuy and Bubbly came from will know that there was a news story in Utah about the fall out from the not so ethical adoptions that were done there. I'm not going link it. If you've followed this blog, then you were probably involved with the orphanage and you can google to find it.

It's important that the truth was told. I think it was. While I wasn't involved with the news report, I won't lie and say I didn't know about it. I didn't have anything to do with bringing this story to the media. I wasn't asked for information and I wasn't interviewed. A lot of families lost so much more than I did. This is their story now. I have my kids. I'm grateful for that. I also want them left out of it. I want ALL the children that came from that orphanage left out of it, those that came last year and those that came over a decade ago. The children who are left behind, and the families who were forced to leave them there, need justice. But, the ones who are here need to be left alone to heal from the hell they came out of. I would never comment about children's personal stories online. Never. I hope the same respect can be shown for my children.

--FullPlateMom,

who wants everyone to think about the kids.

World AIDS Day.

2010-12-01T07:33:00.000-08:00

Today is World AIDS day. For many people, this day won't mean a thing. For many of us, our every day world is largely untouched by what this disease is capable of. I, however, had the honor of being a pediatric HIV/AIDS Case Manager before I moved into my current position at the hospital. I say it was an honor, because it was. I learned from people who had to have amazing bravery in the face of stupid ignorance. I met women who had immigrated from Africa and told me stories of what it is like over there for their family members to live with this disease each and every day. But, I also met young pregnant women who were born here, in the U.S. Some of them had no idea they were positive when they became pregnant. They were scared, a lot of them were alone, and some of them were very sick. I learned a lot about courage. I got to teach them what the future would hold for them (a long and happy life), but I also got to learn. Now is your chance to learn. AIDS is no longer a death sentence. It's time to let others know that too. Want to learn more? Click on the button at the top.

As a side note, today is also the 55th anniversary of the day that Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat to a white person on a bus in Montgomery, Alabama. Here was a woman who did something that seemed small, in the face of such ignorance. She had no idea what she had started. Maybe someone out there will be inspired to do something small today, never knowing what impact it might have on the future.

--FullPlateMom,

who encourages you to stand up today.

Crafty.

2010-11-30T11:57:00.001-08:00

Bubbly is tucked away safely at her new preschool where they can't kick her out and the children come from all walks of life, so she should be in good company. With an episode of Max & Ruby to entertain the two that remain at home, I'm taking some time to sit down here and update.

First of all, the African itch has got me bad. No, it's not a communicable disease. It's the itch to travel again. I miss Ghana. I miss crowded markets, little babies with the darkest eyes tied to the backs of their mother, and people shouting "obruni!" (or sometimes "white chicken" depending on the situation). I miss it. It's not time to leave my kids, but I have the itch FOR SURE!

I had the baby itch last month. That is gone now. THANK GOD. But, other people in our lives are having (or adopting) babies like it's goin' out of style. So, Giggles and I crafted up some baby gifts. We made wash cloth cupcakes. You roll wash cloths (we also put in a bib or two) into cute little cupcake looking creations. You pin them and put them in baking cups inside of a bakery box. Here's a visual.

We put a pretty little headband in the center of this box. It's very girly, just the way Giggles likes it.

Here's a pic of the boy version that we spent to a special friend who had been waiting a LONG time for her special little guy.

We stuck a toy to the top of this one. Also a girly creation by Giggles.

Giggles and I have been writing to each other, per the helpful recommendation of a reader on this blog. I get much more love this way. And, all this writing inspired her to write a letter to her BIRTH MOM. I know!!! Can you believe it? ResponsiBoy and I have formed a book club to carve out time together. He and I each read the book independently and then we get together to have treats and discuss. Middle-Middle and I just butt heads (he's just in a phase, no real concerns there. The kid can just be an argumentative poo-head sometimes. FYI: that's a phrase that has been used on me. I'm recycling it because I'm so green y'all).

--FullPlateMom,
whose two loves for today are hot chocolate and french vanilla marshmallows.

Turkey Day.

2010-11-25T07:37:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

I have so much to be thankful for this year. There was so much sorrow, and so much change, but so much more joy. I am so thankful to be mom to my wonderful seven. So thankful.

I have been absent a lot the last week and a half. We are working our fingers to the bone trying to get Bubbly the help she needs. ShyGuy and Giggles are doing great working with the school's support team (psychologist, social worker, etc.). Bubbly will be entering the Early Childhood program through our school system starting next week. She is actually entering the room as a "peer model". Do you know how hard I laughed when they told me that? At the screening they told me that she is very smart (duh, we've said that all along), and super verbal. Apparently, they need children who are very verbal in the room to balance some of the needs the other kids have. She will continue to attend her mainstream preschool two days a week (if the owner doesn't kick her out for throwing blocks in fits of rage. FYI: I'm the owner). The program through the school district will hopefully lead to them seeing some of the behaviors I see at home, which in turn will lead to services for her. We need services. I need help. I have a lot of "tools" in my "toolbox" for dealing with her behaviors, but now I feel like I'm out. I don't know what to do anymore. The kid is a total mystery to me. I don't know what will set her off and what won't. So, I'm calling in all the professionals I can get.

Hopefully, by next Thanksgiving, I will be sitting here writing about how thankful I am that all of that is behind us. I pray that our Bubbly will find peace in her little heart. Until then, I'm just thankful she's safe.

--FullPlateMom,

who would like you to please pass the mashed potatoes.

Sometimes I just can't say it.

2010-11-18T05:47:00.000-08:00

A wise friend, who has been there and done this whole older child adoption thing, told me that having her kids write out their feelings was sometimes an easier way for them to get what they were feeling into words. Duh. I should have thought of that. After all, what am I doing right now?

For the last few weeks Giggles has been keeping a journal. It's dual purpose. She gets to express her feelings while working on her writing. FPD found her journal yesterday as he was cleaning up. She and I have worked on it together before, so she knows that I read what she writes, because we talk it over when she's finished. She's even had ResponsiBoy help her write before because he is some kind of spelling savant. FPD came and showed me one of her random entries last night. In amongst all the princess stories that she writes and illustrations of random things like the airplane we rode to America on, she had a tiny little one-liner that nearly broke my heart.

Sometime I love my mom and dad but sometime I don't know how to say I love my mom and dad.

Cue the tears (from me, not her). It must be so hard to have your whole world ripped away from you (even though I genuinely think she was happy to leave most of that world behind) and then to be thrust into a new world where all we do is try to force her to explain how she feels about all of this. She's 8 years old. I'm 32. I can't explain how I feel about all of it. Does she love us? Probably. I think she actually does love the fact that she's safe here and trusts that she will always have clothes on her back and food on her plate. Does that mean she loves FPD and I? Maybe. Has she ever said it? Yeah, but I can tell it's really hard for her.

Last week was parent/teacher conferences again. Remember Bubbly's conference? We didn't do much better this time. The conferences for the two children who came to me as babies (ResponsiBoy and Middle-Middle) went smoothly. They're great, they read so well, they're such empathetic boys. The Duo, not so much. We know ShyGuy's classroom behavior needed some reigning in. We implemented a sticker chart for him to earn his privileges with good classroom behavior. So far, he gets it and is doing well. Okay, not SO bad.

Apparently, Giggles spends a small portion of her day, nearly every day, crying in class. Not real proud of the communication at school since I'm just finding out about this now. They thought it occurred at home too, and that we were dealing with it. We're not, because she hardly ever cries here. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I have no clue. Does she feel like she can't cry here, or does she feel like she doesn't need to? I like to think it's the latter, and not the former, because every once in a while Responsiboy will come and tell me that she's crying in her room. I go and talk "at" her, because she is largely unresponsive, and we slowly work our way through it. Those episodes are few and far between now. Is that progress or is that her shutting down? UGH! Who knows?

I don't like talking about my feelings either (again, hence the blogging). Talk therapy would be a joke for me. Should I take her to it and have her sit there and stare at the therapist for an hour? Maybe. For now, we're giving her some time. We talked to her about what was said at the conference. We focused a lot on how she is SUCH a smart girl. She is reading at grade level now (after reading at a high kindergarten/low first grade level when she came here, she now reads at a low/mid third grade level, do you know how proud I am of her?!? Wickedly proud). She is awesome. We want her outside to match her inside. Happy and proud. She just can't find the words. Sometimes, neither can I. How did I get a daughter that is so like me in so many ways? In fact, I have THREE daughters that are so like me, and each other, that it's scary. All of them are fiercely independent, highly motivated, stubborn little women. Makes you really ponder the divine design of the family, doesn't it? Especially since not one of them is biologically related to each other, or me. I've never met three girls who were more destined to become sisters.

--FullPlateMom,
who hugged Giggles and told her not to worry about telling her she loves me, I'll do it enough for the both of us.

Keeping a Family Together.

2010-11-16T05:02:00.000-08:00

It's National Adoption Month (just in case you haven't heard me say it about a billion times by now). In case you haven't been reading for very long, our family was formed by adoption (see post below for info). Over the last eight years we have adopted six times/seven children. We are so profoundly blessed.

For children who live in poverty, adoption isn't always the answer. If you had asked me eight months ago, I would have told you that impoverished children were better off adopted. This is so incorrect that I'm embarrassed that I ever thought that. When we adopted Giggles and ShyGuy, one of the other 'Out of Africa' moms and I hiked to the neighboring village to meet the family of a few other children who were supposedly set to come to America in the next few months. The details of what occurred are not mine to share, but I have to say, this biological family was not at ALL prepared for adoption. The children were poor, yes, but they were well cared for. The mother didn't know anything about adoption. She didn't want her children to leave. Should she have them taken away simply because she is poor? Heck no. The adoptive family walked away from this situation. Their hearts broke, but they did it because it was the right thing to do. This family are truly heroes, because I know this kind of hurt. It never goes away. It fades, but it's always there in some form.

We, personally, also lost our son in Ethiopia this way. We were told he was an orphan, and technically, he was. But when we investigated his real story, it turned out that he had a paternal uncle who really would have liked to parent him but couldn't due to financial circumstances. Orphan? Technically, yes. Alone in the world? No. We immediately stopped our adoption, as heart breaking as it was for us, and moved on to find a situation where there was a child who needed us as much as we needed them.

This is why FPD and I were in Ghana FIVE times in 12 months to do the adoption of Bubbly and then the Duo. We went two extra times then we needed to. We wanted to meet and spend time with the kid's biological family, who would now become our family as well, to really assess their need. In both cases, there were personal extenuating circumstances that prevented their only living biological parents from parenting them. Those reasons are not mine to share. These parents remain a part of our every day lives. We are choosing to keep the children's biological family intact as possible as well. For us, this is what adoption is about.

As an adoptive family, we are very blessed to have been given the gift of parenting these children. There are families in Ghana who would not choose adoption. They would like to remain intact, and in Ghana. This is where you can help. As an adoptive parent, it is hard for me to even form these words because I can't imagine NOT having my children in my home. Here goes...

Adoption should be a last resort.

It wasn't at Luckyhill, some adoptions were being brokered that were not the biological family's first choice. This could have ended so badly for FPD and I, and by extension our newly adopted children. I could have unknowingly destroyed a family. It has happened to others. Whose fault is this? Is it the adoptive family's fault? No. Not as long as they truly didn't know what was going on, and very few people who adopted from Luckyhill did. I truly believe God opens our eyes to certain problems that He wants help fighting when he shows you life's "near misses". For our family, this was most definitely a near miss. I could have ruined my own children's family. So, I felt God asking me "well, what are you going to do about it?" My answer is, that by speaking up, I can help stop this from happening to anyone else.

If you would like to help keep a family together, please contact me about the former children of Luckyhill and what you can do to continue supporting them. Or, if you would like to connect to Ghana in a different way. Please see this post. You can also contact Anita, through the aforementioned blog, for information on how to adopt ethically. Because, this isn't about us, it's about our kids.

--FullPlateMom,
who needs you to help.

Business As Unusual.

2010-11-15T09:48:00.000-08:00

I'm totally destroying any pretense of anonymity that I have left. Ah well. I'm super proud of how this article turned out. It says a lot about what it's like to be a large adoptive family. We're not as weird as you might think. Our life is business as usual for me for sure. But for others, I can see why we might seem unusual.

Here's a link...

Business As Unusual

Make sure you watch the accompanying video. You'll get to hear my actual voice and this is where I address the "race issue", which is often not addressed, but just left as a large elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about. Psssttt...it's okay, my kids know that they're black.

--FullPlateMom,
who feels really proud to be an adoptive mom.

Orphan Sunday 2010

2010-11-07T04:59:00.000-08:00

Is it appropriate to wish you a 'Happy' Orphan Sunday? I actually think it is kind of a happy occasion. While we are taking on the challenging task of bringing attention to the world's orphan crisis, you'll also see families at the forefront who were created through tragedy, true beauty from the ashes. You'll also see beautiful, happy moments where people come together for a common goal...to protect the fatherless.

We've been keeping this under wraps until we were done working on it, but I'm excited about the finished project. In honor of National Adoption Month, our state's paper came last week to follow FPD and I around to get a feel for what it was like to be parents of seven, adopted, African-American children. The article will be finished next week and will include pics and video (for the paper's website) of us doing all the regular things we do. They watched me make the pick up from the kid's school, they watched us struggle through Giggles' homework (and not struggle at all with ShyGuy), they watched FPD make dinner, and they watched us all pray over it and then devour it. Typical FP Family stuff. I'm hoping it will make people think about how many older, special needs children there are out there who need families still. And, I got to cross an item off my bucket list. I got to wear one of those television mics. I was so over it after day one. With seven kids, my entourage is large enough. If Bravo comes knocking, we won't be answering. Sorry. But, we love the reporter that did this story, he's called me five or six times to fact check and make sure he's highlighting the issues in a respectful way. He's trying to tackle a potentially sensitive subject with grace and dignity, all while protecting our children's privacy. I will post a link to the article when it's finished.

In the meantime, you can stroll down memory lane with an article that was published in our city's multicultural paper when we brought GigantoBaby home (when we only had three children. Ahhh... the days of normal amounts of sleep).

The Changing Face of American Families

I also want to make sure I draw attention to all the people who are advocating and fundraising for the orphans that have touched their hearts and need to come home. Don't forget to peek at my sidebar on the right! As I get more and more into my volunteer work in China, the number of children that China is working to find families for seems to grow and grow. Right now, there are 1,985 older or special needs children on China's Shared List. Some of these children have been waiting for families for YEARS. Some have grants for their adoptions. If you're looking to adopt, it's a great option. China has a very streamlined system for adoptions and REALLY advocates for their older and special needs children. The more I learn, the more impressed I become.

If adoption isn't in your future right now, but you're looking to help children whose families need your support to be able to stay together, then the former children of Luckyhill can always use a scholarship contribution to enable them to continue to NOT attend Kings International School. While I don't collect money directly, you can contact me to get information on the reputable NGO that is helping them. It's a good way to stay connected to the kids we all know and love in Ghana. For those of you with children from Luckyhill, do you have a child over there that you remember and love? I can give you info on how to help send them to school.

There are so many ways to touch one of these kid's lives. Now is the time.

--FullPlateMom,

who *hearts* Orphan Sunday.

At which moment?

2010-11-05T12:19:00.000-07:00

Before I start, I usually blog so much more than this, but between the Tea Party, the Halloween Party, the Geography Bee that I'm helping to coordinate at the kid's school, my work in Ghana, my work in China, Orphan Sunday, Grad School and seven children, things are a bit hectic this week. Sorry!

Bubbly had a WONDERFUL week last week with her birthday, her Tea Party and Halloween. She was the focus of everyone's attention and she basked in it. This week, well, it's hit a LOW. Not like the lows we had when she first came home. But, it's been lower than we've been in awhile. She attends AWANA on Wednesday evenings at our church and usually LOVES it. We've never had a problem with behavior, and it's only 90 minutes once a week, so we didn't tell the Cubbies Leader anything about Bubbly's past. HUGE MISTAKE.

She was apparently in rare form on Wednesday night. She didn't want to sit to listen to the Leader read from the bible, she wanted to run around the room. So, the Leaders decided that it would be okay to do what you might do with your own child, and hold her on their lap. I have to say, this Leader is a little militant as far as I'm concerned. This is Cubbies! What kid wants to listen to you read directly from the KJV of the bible? Tell a bible story, okay, read from the actual bible...BORING for a three-year-old. They are supposed to learn a passage, I'm cool with that, but this lady wanted to read the whole story directly from the bible. To three-year-olds!

This was no excuse for what came next. We never make excuses for Bubbly's behavior. Even when we understand where the behavior is coming from, there is always a consequences for her behavior. When the Leader decided to hold her still Bubbly FLIPPED. She got all hot and sweaty, began to struggle and then couldn't control herself anymore. She LOST it. FPD got an earful about her behavior when he got there. They got an earful in a follow-up email from me. Not an angry earful, it's my fault for not telling them, but they should have called FPD on his cell phone and asked him to come down (he was in the Sparkies Room). Her reaction was NOT normal. Maybe they didn't know what is normal for her, they will now.

As I stewed over this on Wednesday night, and tossed and turned, I began to wonder at what moment in Bubbly's little life did something happen to her that caused this. In my midnight state of morbid curiosity, I actually wished I could go back in time and be a fly on the wall of Lucky Hill (I would be in good company, there were MANY a fly). So much of Bubbly's past, and to some extent Giggles' and ShyGuy's pasts as well, is a mystery to me. The Duo can express their memories a little better. They can draw the line between why the dark scares them, why they detest shouting and why male affection freaks Giggles out just a little. For Bubbly, these bad feelings are just bad feelings. She has no clue why being held at all forcefully still makes her sweat and why she feels the need to claw until she's free and then run away as fast as she can. She has no idea why when her upper arm is grabbed she instinctively covers her head and face. She just does it.

Is it morbid of me to want to know EXACTLY what she went through? Because I do. I want to know the exact moment when the abuse became so much that it seeped its way into her little soul so that even after she got to this loving home, it would always be there, like a dark fog rolling up behind us when we least expect it. I want to know. And when I do know, just because I have anger issues, I picture myself finding the person who made it become too much so that I can show them what it feels like to have to cover your face and head in fear. Wrong of me, yes. Mom of me, TOTALLY.

Some people want to know these things (me), some people don't. I don't know which way is better, covering your ears, closing your eyes and being all LA LA LA LA LA to it, or spending the rest of my life tormented by the fact that I'm fighting against something that I will never know the extent of. Maybe I need to find the happy medium. My heart breaks for her on weeks like this. She won't be going back to AWANA next week. Her vest is in the 'Confiscation Station' because she does know that she needs to use her words when her feelings get the better of her, to ask someone to call her Mommy or Dad. Screaming and running in any classroom can't, and won't, be tolerated. She'll go back, with FPD in tow, the following week and we'll be starting fresh again.

--FullPlateMom,
who likes a good fresh start, her Bubbly needs them.

Off with your head!!! Halloween 2010.

2010-10-31T18:43:00.000-07:00

We went with the Alice in Wonderland theme this year. My absolute FAVORITE part was watching Bubbly yell "Off with your head, you heard what I said!" She makes one WICKED Queen of Hearts.

--FullPlateMom,

who sometimes think she has fallen down the rabbit hole.

High Tea.

2010-10-30T08:04:00.000-07:00

The 400th post on this blog will involve a party for Bubbly who turned FOUR this week. Can you believe it? My Ghana baby is FOUR! How did that happen?

We don't have "friend" birthday parties until you're 10 here at FullPlate Manor, then you get one "friend" party when you enter double digits. Until then, it's family all the way. The birthday child gets to choose the venue. Usually we end up at Chu*ck E. Chee$e (oy ve). We actually broke the mould this year when Responsiboy branched out and chose bowling. I thought FOR SURE we would be headed back to the aforementioned heck-hole again when Bubbly got to choose. She surprised us all when she told me (in great detail, just like always) "I want to have a tea party, with tiny cakes where everyone wears BEAUTIFUL dresses". Done!

She hand-delivered some beautiful pink invites with a note about wearing your "best tea party finery". My soon to be sister-in-law asked if us older girls should dig out our prom dresses. Bubbly LOVED that idea. Tiaras were purchased, fairy princess wands were gathered, and the boys dug out their Christmas ties. Last night we had high tea and then opened the floor to some major dancing. It was like a tiny Prom to celebrate what our Bubbly loves best...fancy dresses and family.

Decorating with fine china while Bubbly skips through the background in her Snow White dress.

FPD baked and decorated the cake. I smell a second career here.

Party favors filled with tiny tea biscuits.

Three princesses ready for tea.

Me, Bubbly and Giggles in our tiaras. Am I the only mom in the world who pulls out her opera gloves from her wedding box, her prom dress and slaps on a tiara for her four-year-old? I hope not.

Tiny crustless PB&Js and mini-cream puffs at high tea.

A mid-evening costume change to enjoy her princess cake.

Look at Bubbly's face in this picture! After this, we moved all the furniture in the living room and danced up a storm. There are no pictures of this, thankfully. I was bustin' a move, and I'm sure it wasn't a pretty sight. Anything for my girl though.

--FullPlateMom,

who is thankful that her Ghana baby gets to have her every wish come true.

Handmade for Halloween.

2010-10-28T07:56:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh, what a lag in posting! Sorry for those of you that were nervous. Nothing is wrong here at FullPlate Manor. We're just super busy prepping for Halloween. I know some families don't do Halloween. We do it all out. We use it as a time to be kids all over again and as a way to celebrate community with our neighbors. So, we're prepping for that.

And, lately, we're all about handmade. We've been crafting up a storm! It was like it was meant to be when we received some handmade thank you gifts from a family we have come to love. They have been through a horrible ordeal and are still committed to finding the children that are meant to be in their family. They have strength that I could never even imagine having. Their children totally didn't need to thank us, but my kids were thrilled. They made us sent us a beautiful package of Halloween decorations that will grace our home year after year. We used every item in the package. It went with our usual Halloween decor just beautifully!

These cute hand-cut and framed spooky pics no adorn our hallway.

Black candles on our seasonal candle holder in the kitchen.

A hand sewn 'Trick or Treat' banner is the first thing you see when you walk into our home.

Here it is with its accompanying window decoration stretched across our back windows.

I'm blessed to have come out of Ghana with such good friends. My kids have roots to the community where their lives began, right here in their new homeland. We all lost a lot, but seeing new families come out of the ashes is a true blessing.

--FullPlateMom,

whose heart feels full today.

An Update from Ghana.

2010-10-21T08:32:00.000-07:00

I get a request for updates from Luckyhill quite a bit. I don't know much, I'm sorry. I do know that as of early this week Kingsley was in Buduburam, at home, doing his usual routine. For those of us who are looking for some sort of grand justice, I don't know that it will ever happen. We need to focus on our children and the children that were left behind.

Kingsley is still running Kings International School, although he now has about 1/4 of the students he had previously. For some kids, there just is no other option for an education. Sad. We're trying to change that. We have for quite a few of the children. It took a long time to "build" his school, it will take a long time to get the community to understand that there are still other options. This is all I have in the way of an update.

I don't know anything about adoptions. I'm sorry, I can't help you. I know there are many people that email me looking for adoption advice. My last adoption was a mess. I shouldn't be giving anyone advice. It was done completely improperly and without full knowledge of the proper authorities. I was able to fix it with the help of some really kind Ghanaian people who never asked for anything in return. I was able to obtain full approval of Ghana before leaving the country. However, my children's paperwork was a source of concern in regards to immigration in the U.S. for MONTHS after we arrived home. Thankfully, I think that is over now and we are on our way to finally being able to re-adopt Giggles and ShyGuy here in the U.S. My route is not the route I would recommend to anyone. I am grateful for my children, but hurt by the path we traveled to get to them.

I have said this before, and I will say it again. AAI is the only agency that I have personal knowledge of in Ghana. I can't speak AT ALL to how the process is now. We arrived home with our Duo SEVEN months ago today (I know...can you believe it?!?). A lot has changed in that time. I would suggest contacting Anita, AAI's Ghana Coordinator, directly if you are looking to adopt from Ghana. She has always been honest with me about where things stand with adoptions in Ghana.

--FullPlateMom,
who thanks you for understanding.

Down on the Farm.

2010-10-20T06:15:00.001-07:00

ShyGuy got to ride one of these for the first time in his whole life. I told him that it might not be as exciting as a tro-tro (where if you were lucky you got to see the highway speeding by you...through the hole in the floor of the vehicle!!). He disagreed and thought it was totally AWESOME.

His class spent the day on a farm, complete with pumpkin patch.

And hay rides!

And tractors!

And goats! Oh wait, for a boy from Ghana, not so exciting. He saw them and shouted "EH! We have those in Ghana!", then he walked away. I made him come back and pose with this one for old time's sake.

He was pretty thrilled by the John Deere tricycles though. He's been able to ride a two-wheeler for a long time. I'm not quite sure why these were so fun, but we'll go with it.

He had a BLAST! Good times with a great KG class. He totally loves his "American school".

--FullPlateMom,
who totally loves her ShyGuy.

Bullies, Blogging Apathy and Bullet Points.

2010-10-19T09:42:00.000-07:00

We're going with bullet points today because I am seriously drowning in the laundry pile that the kids have created for me.

I DETEST bullies. Hey bully! Do you see this boy below? In his 8 years he has done more than you'll probably do in your whole life. He has raised money for other people's adoptions, prayed as his brothers and sisters came home and helps me with my work in Ghana and China all the time. He is one awesome kid, and you're picking on him? What a foolish kid you are!

I have a little bit of blogging apathy. Not too much going on here except dealing with bullies, feelings (oh the feelings, I'm SO sick of feelings that I'm over having emotions at all) and working on adoption stuff for upcoming Orphan Sunday (which I do NOT have apathy about. SO EXCITING!!!)

This was quick and easy. I may have to blog with bullets more often.

--FullPlateMom,

who is all about whatever is easiest today.

Prayer and Praise Sunday--Meant To Be.

2010-10-17T05:24:00.000-07:00

I'm praying for the adopted child's heart today. It's hard to lose your language, your culture, your family, everything you knew to come and be with a family who knew they loved you from day one, but whom you didn't know about at all. For the children who came as infants, it is hard to wonder constantly about who you came from, what they were really like, and why they made the choice they did for you.

I'm praising the God that brought all of us together. Families are truly a creation of divine design. He knows exactly what is "Meant to Be".

--FullPlateMom,

who knows that her children are where they are meant to be.

Services.

2010-10-15T18:08:00.000-07:00

I never thought I would be one of those moms whose child needed "services". I never thought I would be one of those moms who would complain about how hard it is to get those "services". I got a denial letter for Bubbly's occupational therapy (OT) today. Do you know how badly she needs this OT? Look at pics of her last OT session. I don't think I've ever seen a bigger smile on her then when she is getting exactly what she needs.

Bubbly in her "cocoon".

Hiding out in her tunnel.

She flies through the air with the greatest of ease.

Dropping from her trapeze into her happy place.

So, the bottom line is, she needs this service. Our school district says she doesn't qualify through the school system because she isn't two standard deviations below their normal developmental standards in TWO areas of development. In the sensory area, she is developing atypically, but she isn't delayed in the gross motor, fine motor, speech or behavior categories. They don't consider her delayed because of this.

Our health insurance allowed the OT at first. Now they are denying it because they say they have reviewed her records and they believe that the OT is required because of a developmental delay. So, because she isn't delayed enough she can't get services through the school district, but because she is perceived as "delayed" she can't have services through our health insurance. What is going on?!?

Yes, my daughter has trauma in her past. She has PTSD. She has a vestibular sensory processing disorder. Is it from her trauma and her past? Maybe. Maybe not. Will it impact her future if we don't do something about it? Definitely. It will impact her ability to learn in a classroom if she can't find strategies to deal with her need for sensory input. I need to get her OT so I can teach her those strategies. I DO NOT feel she has a delay currently. Does she process things in an atypical manner? Definitely. But, she needs intervention, or she will be.

Here is an example of how NOT delayed Bubbly is. Here is Bubbly's latest project from today. I gave her some shapes and asked her to make me three matching pictures. Any picture of her choice. I thought she would make a larger diamond, or a big square, something simple. Honestly, I just wanted whatever she made to match. I thought that she would need some major help with the concept of actually creating something matching. She can find matching pictures, but to make her own pictures match, that's taking it to another level.

She took the shapes and thought for a moment. Then she very carefully made me three matching boats. It took her about 10 minutes to get it just perfect. She sat there, thought about it and then did it. She's THREE YEARS OLD. I don't want to brag or anything, but my "delayed" daughter does geometry with purpose and planning. And, she does it well.

But, while she does geometry, she still eats her crayons when she thinks no one is looking.

Go figure.

--FullPlateMom,
who feels frustrated today.

Who I am...

2010-10-14T13:09:00.000-07:00

I am my mana's granddaughter...

The spitting image of my fathers

And when the day is done

My momma's still my biggest fan

Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy

But I've got family that loves me

And they know just where I stand

It's all a part of me

And that's who I am...

These aren't my words. They belong to Jessica Andrews. You can hear "Who I am" here. I changed it up for Bubbly. I find strength in music. So, on a day when she is really struggling to remember that she is not her past, my biggest prayer for her is that she will remember who she is.

--FullPlateMom,

who is always her Bubbly's biggest fan. Always.

Who has it "worse"?

2010-10-12T08:25:00.000-07:00

I have found SO much support from online groups, fellow adoptive parents and other blogs as I research to try to find healing for the kids in our home. As FPD and I were having a late night "wrap up" chat about the kids, and everything that had gone on during the day, the talk inevitably turned to how we were going to handle tomorrow, and the day after that, and all the days that are yet to come. He made a comment that I will carry with me for a long time. He asked me "remember when our biggest concern was that we're white and our kids are black?" Yeah. I remember those days. They seem like yesterday in some ways, but they also seem like a life time ago.

This month marks two years since I made the phone call that brought Ghana into my life. Two years since we opened the door to so many bigger concerns. Now we worry about attachment, PTSD and abuse. I read the blogs of people who had adopted older children and were dealing with abuse and I thought "Phew. Thank God that's not my daughter". Then, that became my daughter. Then, I read the posts of people who had been affected by sex*al abuse in their children's histories and I thought "Phew. That won't affect my family". Then, it affected my family. I was constantly looking at the people who had it "worse" than we did. Do people read this blog now and think "Phew. At least THAT'S not going on in my home. They have it WAY worse than I do" Did I just become someone's "worse"?

If I did just become your "worse", well, all I can say is I'm okay with it. I wouldn't change a thing. I am grateful that my girls are here with me where they won't have to grow up in the shadow of the types of abuse that they have encountered. I am thankful that, so far ShyGuy has remained oblivious to most of the worst of it all. But, we're still prepping ourselves for the fact that those revelations may still come.

I am SO overwhelmingly grateful to my God, and the country of Ghana, for giving me my kids that the after effects of the abuse, well, it all seems manageable. The thing that didn't seem manageable was tolerating the idea that they might not get here at all. The idea that they might have been left under the thumb of an orphanage that has ruined children's lives is what leaves a lingering sick feeling in my stomach. It was the orphanage that did this, it was NOT Ghana or Social Welfare. It was one man's sickness that led to this. I proudly support the country that my children came from. It is a brave and beautiful place.

It's not any one's place to decide who has it "worse". Were the children of Luckyhill abused "worse" than the children at Osu Children's Home? I don't know. I can only say that some of the stories my children are telling are starkly similar, so this type of abuse probably happens more than any of us would care to admit. I would never deny any child's pain by saying to them "well, be grateful that you didn't live THERE, those orphans had it worse". It's all bad. And, every child responds differently to it. I have a child in my home who seems to have remained totally oblivious to it. Then I have a child who responded to it not by remembering any of it, but by having lingering feelings about all of it. Then, I have a child who remembers every detail of it as if it was yesterday, but has only now felt safe enough to tell me that she remembers it ALL.

Which one has it "worse". It doesn't matter. It's all bad. But, IT IS NOT GHANA. Ghana is not responsible for the abuse at Luckyhill. It was one man, perpetuated by the resources that I helped gather, that a lot of us helped gather. There are kids who have been left behind, still in contact with him, and still under his influence. Kids who still live in the cycle of abuse. However sick it is, my children's orphanage director did provide these kids with food and shelter, so some of them still have trouble trusting that they can reach out for help from others if they need it. How do you learn to trust someone who didn't see your abuser for what he was? FPD and I were in Ghana FIVE times over the last year. It will take a long time for these kids to understand that we actually see the situation for what it is now, and that we're still committed to finding help for them. Some of them have reached out, others are still waiting to see. It's a long process.

--FullPlateMom,

who is committed to finding hope for the little corner of Ghana that she helped break.

An Overnight with the FullPlateFamily...

2010-10-11T06:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think a reality show on the ridiculous sleep patterns in our house. Seriously, they need to get out one of those night vision cameras and let tape roll. It's unreal. Here's a little sample...

7:30 pm--The Diva falls asleep while I'm doing her hair because her Diva-like self refused to nap all day and she has basically dropped.

7:45 pm -- I finish the row of hair that I'm doing and FPD carries her to her bed, puts her into her jammies and tucks her in.

8:00 pm -- Bubbly decides to pee her pants, which she often does when she is overtired. I remind her of this gently, clean her up and tuck her into bed.

8:15 pm -- I let the rest of the children know that they have 15 more minutes to watch 'Pirates of the Caribbean', which they have promised me time and time again will NOT cause nightmares. I decide that Giggles' toenails need a quick polish change, she and I like to match and I got a fall mani/pedi on Friday.

8:30 pm -- Toenails finished, movie goes off. Children head for bed. They wait in line to brush their teeth in the upstairs bathroom. I ask them why they are waiting at this bathroom, I'm given some bogus excuse which I am smart enough to know means that the movie has scared them and they will have a rough night. They are reminded to be quiet, as the bathroom is right outside the Diva's room.

8:35 pm -- ShyGuy, in his not so shy way, decides to shout (at the top of his lungs)... "GIGANTOBABY" because some perceived atrocity has been comitted by his younger brother. The Diva wakes up crying. ShyGuy gets scolded and begins to wail as well.

8:45 pm -- All of them trudge off to bed. ShyGuy continues to whimper.

8:50 pm -- I finish picking up the Living Room floor and tucking the Diva into our bed with her "phant and Raffe" (pink elephant and stuffed giraffe). She doesn't look sleepy. FPD has tucked the boys in, now it's my turn to give kisses. Giggles decides to sit with Diva while her toenails dry. She is a good big sister.

9:00 pm -- Kisses and one story are finished. I head over to lie on ResponsiBoy's bed and ask him about what he's reading.

9:15 pm -- I come up and tell Giggles it's time for bed. She and I walk to her room together. She wants all the lights on and the door open. Darn. No more movies like 'Pirates of the Caribbean'.

9:45 pm -- The Diva is still wide awake and loving life. She asks me for a snack as I try to type my paper that is due in 48 short hours. I tell her no. She wails.

10:00 pm -- I give up and try to go to bed.

10:30 pm -- I am roused by a kick to the kidney. I take the Diva to bed.

11:00 pm -- Giggles needs another drink of water. She feels like she should ask first. Since this is the policy for the little kids in our house, so that they don't pee the bed, I thank her for asking and tell her to go for it.

12:00 am -- Diva cries and I go get her again.

1:30 am -- Middle-Middle comes upstairs to tell me that he has had a bad dream, needs to pee, and that I should come down and hear how loud GigantoBaby is snoring. He pees, I go. GigantoBaby is snoring loudly (poor guy and his allergies). I roll him over and flick on his cold air humidifier. That kid sleeps like a rock.

2:45 am -- A noise from the Diva's room (where she is NOT sleeping) reveals that Bubbly is stuck between her bed and the wall. I free her and rub her back for about three minutes. This kid also sleeps like a rock, when she sleeps.

4:00 am -- FPD checks his pager, which illuminates the entire room with it's LED face. I tell him it hasn't gone off all night. He rolls over, complains that there is ALWAYS a kid in our bed and goes back to sleep.

5:45 am -- Middle-Middle comes upstairs to tell me that ShyGuy is doing exactly what he told me he wouldn't and is sitting in his bed crying because he is too afraid to get up to go to the bathroom. I tell M-M to please try to, gently and kindly, encourage him to get up and walk down the brightly lit hallway to my room to ask for help. I tell M-M I'll give ShyGuy three minutes to try, and then I will go and get him. I sit on the staircase to listen. M-M goes and reminds him (I can hear how sweetly he does it, which makes him smile). I run back to my bed to wait for him to ask me (we're trying to teach a lesson here). I hear ShyGuy get right out of his bed and ask me to come with him to the bathroom. I smile at the progress we are making and take him to the bathroom. He spends 10 minutes telling me he doesn't like ghost pirates. Yeah, I should have thought of that. I silently curse myself out for being so stupid as to allow that movie to even be on. I walk him back to bed where I turn up the dim lights and give him his favorite Clifford book.

6:00ish am -- I fall asleep.

6:25 am -- M-M is awake and wants breakfast. Ah well. The alarm will go off in five minutes anyway. I tell him he has responsibilities before breakfast (i.e. bedmaking, teeth brushing, dressing). He trudges off to do it. I check the weather online and then begin laying out clothes for the four who go off to school first. Giggles thanks me for her pedicure again. I smile at that too. No problem. She wants to talk while I lay out her clothes, so we take a little time to do that before I go and help with the insanity that is we refer to as "prepping the boys" in the morning.

The day has truly begun.

--FullPlateMom,

who used to feel better than this after a hard night of college partying. Shhh...don't tell the kids (about the partying, or how tired they make me. It will be our secret).

Prayer and Praise--Sunday.

2010-10-10T05:13:00.000-07:00

I'm praying for the families who are waiting for their children this week. Whether from Ghana, or from any other country, we're praying for you always. My prayers are also with one of my children's friends in Ghana. She needs some guidance right now.

This week is HUGE for praise. We saw the miracle that is adoption when a family who has been waiting FOREVER got to bring home a little boy. Yay!!! He's gorgeous. After last week's events, Giggles and I are doing well. She has reached the stage of "nervous" attachment, and won't leave my side, but that's better than no attachment at all. ShyGuy is doing better too, he is asking for help more, and really becoming dad's buddy. He is super attached to his brothers too. He and ResponsiBoy are like peas and carrots.

We're also praising news we got yesterday. In the adoption world, we all know that adoption expenses are eligible for a tax credit. That tax credit became refundable this year, meaning you get ALL the money back regardless of tax liability. BUT, even better yet, we found out that CARRYOVER credit from past adoptions is also refundable. This means a big refund for us, which means less worries about how to pay for seven college educations. We will be re-investing it all in our children's education, even though FPD would really like a new pair of running shoes. He thinks it would be the truly American thing to do to stimulate the economy with just a little bit of the money. I am a saver (remember the 'cheapest woman alive'?...Hi Busaths!!! Who are the only other family with a contender for that title). Go cheapskates!!!

--FullPlateMom,
who won't tell FPD what to do, the man probably deserves new running shoes. Let's just hope he doesn't use them to run away from all the chaos!!!

I Wish I Could Take It All Away.

2010-10-08T19:50:00.000-07:00

There are so many people who have been hurt and wounded by what happened at my children's former orphanage in Ghana, so many families lost their chance to bring their children home, and so many children lost their chance at having a loving family.

I get emails asking me what to do for these kids. I get emails from would-be adoptive parents asking for any information. I get emails from organizations who used to work at the orphanage asking me for updates on the kids. I don't get a whole lot in the way of updates. This hurts people's hearts. I'm so sorry. I wish I had better news. I wish I could tell you that the children who fell prey to Luckyhill were happily reunited with their families and that they are all well. There was a reason they ended up at Luckyhill, and only very few of those reasons had to due with the child actually being eligible for international adoption. A lot of the reason they ended up there was simply because they were in a vulnerable position, usually because of poverty. This doesn't necessarily make them adoptable. It was a sad lesson that we all learned in the most heart wrenching way possible.

The not knowing is horrible. Children that were such a large part of all of our lives are just out there. But, most of them aren't with Kingsley now. A lot of them are going to better schools. I tell myself this, but somedays, it just doesn't seem like enough. I wish I could take away the pain of Luckyhill for everyone. For my daughters, for the fellow adoptive parents that I have come to call friends, and, most of all, for the kids that were abused there.

I can't share updates here right now, and like I said, they are few and far between anyway. I'm sorry about that too. Ghana is a country of contradictions. It is beauty and desperation, it is joy and pain, and it is happiness and horrible disappointment. Luckyhill was one of those HUGE contradictions.

--FullPlateMom,
who wishes she could make it all go away today.

Teachers.

2010-10-07T05:46:00.000-07:00

Middle-Middle is the KING of forgetting things. Lunch bags, snow pants, boots, jackets, etc. All forgotten at some point. Some of them were recovered, some weren't. We have had to impose a "consequence" for forgetting the item now. It involves him paying for it. I don't have money to shell out for a new lunch bag every week. So, you lose it, you pay for a new one. Natural consequences and all.

This morning his lunch bag and his jacket were MIA. Cue the tears at the thought of having to pay for both of them. He THOUGHT they were both in his locker. But, he still cried over the possibility of them not being there. Sad. FPD, all the rest of the kids, and one sobbing M-M got into the car to go to school. I received a text from ShyGuy's teacher, who was M-M's teacher last year (yes, he texts me. The man has had three of my children, three years in a row in his class. He has three more to go. He and the FullPlateFamily will be BFFs when we're done with kids in KG). The text is a picture of two matching jackets. He wonders if they are FullPlateBoy's jackets. See how famous the boys are for leaving their stuff behind? He knows of our newly imposed consequence, so he's concerned. I reply that these aren't our jackets, but I tell him the story of sobbing M-M and his missing lunch bag AND jacket.

A few moments later FPD and I receive this picture text...

The message with it is "no worries Middle-Middle". The man went and found M-M's locker and looked in it for him to make sure he didn't have to worry any longer about his precious allowance being gone. FPD handed his phone back to M-M to show him what his former teacher did for him. FPD reminded M-M that he owed the teacher a big hug. His day began on the right foot with no more tears and his precious lunch in his lunch bag.

--FullPlateMom,
who wants to give a big shout out to all the teachers out there. You think that the little things you do don't mean much, but THEY DO!!!!

Wordless Wednesday--Mmmmm...delicious.

2010-10-06T05:47:00.000-07:00

--FullPlateMom,

who loves a good treat after apple picking.

You are the Apple of my Eye...

2010-10-05T07:27:00.000-07:00

Between all the events and unpleasant discoveries of this weekend, we did manage to squeeze in something that all the kids have been looking forward to for WEEKS. Apple picking!!! You should have seen the Duo. They had asked about the apple orchard for days ahead of time. When will we go? They will let us just pick their apples? We will have to pay? Do you have money for it? Will the apples be red or green? Oh my gosh! The questions were endless, just like they are with every new activity. All of that is okay with me. I get to see how happy they are about trying all these new things. Here are some highlights...


The Diva prefers to have someone else do the actual picking for her.

Up in a Tree.

Quality Control.

Brotherly Teamwork.

Final Inspection (the really good ones didn't make it past this step).

Bubbly just skips around, I don't think she picked one apple. She just loves to be in the action.

Look at my little apple pickers! You'll have to excuse the Diva, it was nap time.


All done! Did you know the Duo had absolutely NO clue what a pumpkin was until the Halloween buzz began.

--FullPlateMom,
who thinks that pumpkin carving might just be the next big adventure.

A Double Edged Sword.

2010-10-04T06:12:00.000-07:00

Blogging is totally a double edged sword. I get so many wonderful, supportive emails and comments. Other people send in ideas that help my kids. Sometimes I'm blessed enough to get comments telling me that what my kids are going through has made them realize that their child needs some help as well.

Sometimes I get comments that aren't so helpful, the kind that ask if my kids should even be here. Helpful? Not at all. This isn't helpful to anyone. Sometimes, these people are brave enough to put their name on the comments. Sometimes, they aren't. Either way, they're foolish. And, I won't address them again. My kids are here, getting the help they need. If you think they belong in Ghana, well, you need to gain some literacy skills and read back through all they've been through. There is most definitely a plan for them here, it involves a large amount of healing.

The aforementioned comments aren't the reason that I took down the last post. I think that in my grief over the whole thing, I might have invaded Giggles' privacy a little. Giggles will now begin the same journey that Bubbly is on. One that involves lots of therapy. Hopefully, hearing what we're doing will help others. I got so many emails yesterday from people with children from all over Africa who are in the same boat I'm in now. They're children have been exposed to things that we all wish they had never seen. We'll work on healing their hearts together. It helps me to know that, as a parent, I'm not alone. The entries that are purely for the purpose of documenting, or venting frustration, will be archived as drafts. Trust me, Bubbly has her fair share of those type of posts labelled under her name.

I'm sad about the whole thing, because I kind of thought my plate was full with all of Bubbly's therapies. They are her main extracurricular activity now. I guess Giggles will join her in these activities. And, our plate will just get a little more full.

--FullPlateMom,

who is very thankful for all your support.

Darling Danny.

2010-10-01T00:05:00.000-07:00

The FullPlate Family has fallen in love with this little boy. His name is Danny, and Middle-Middle would like to bring him home. He thinks he looks just the right amount of mischievous. We would bring him home in a heartbeat if we didn't already have this full plate. Maybe you have room on your plate... and in your heart?

Danny is in foster care in China currently. He is supported by Love Without Boundaries, one of those fantastic organizations in the sidebar on the right. He looks great, he looks well cared for. And...he loves cookies. Who doesn't need a mischievous cookie-loving little boy in their life?

--FullPlateMom,
who is delivering another message from Middle-Middle..."Danny's hair ROCKS!".

Breaking the Cycle.

2010-09-30T04:37:00.000-07:00

Today I had the opportunity to speak with a good friend whose children came from the same place mine did. Not just Ghana, but the same orphanage that my Bubbly came from (the Duo lived behind the orphanage in a little "house" with their mother. I use the term house loosely). Our kids all came from the same wounded little community.

This mom and I often talk about the path we're taking to heal our children. We compare notes on what we're doing for them. We vent about frustrations, and then we cry about the successes. The successes in parenting a wounded child are like the highest of highs. The setbacks feel like the worst of failures. You need someone in your life who understands how this feels, because the rest of the world doesn't get why you're celebrating the fact that your son came into your room last night to actually tell you that he peed his bed. Do you get what a big deal that is?!? He came and told me! Instead of sleeping in a urine soaked bed, he trusted me enough to come and tell me. Don't get it? I don't blame you. I wish it wasn't something I had to "get" either. But, celebrating these type of milestones is now my daily existence. I love my kids. So, I'm cool with it. Well, most days anyway.

This mom and I spoke for nearly two hours today. At one point the conversation turned to the culture in Ghana. We both agreed that we have never been more glad to live in the U.S. Not in a hoity toity "Oooo...I'm American" kind of way, just in a "thank God I don't live there all the time" kind of way. We realize that our view of an entire country has been overshadowed by the abuse that occurred in our children's little corner of Ghana, but it is our lasting impression of the culture. Regardless of where you visit in Ghana, it is a culture that is marred by abuse. You were "beaten" as a child, so you "beat" your children. You saw your father have children out of wedlock and not support them, so as an adult male, you choose the same path. It is all you've ever known. I hardly blame you, it's called a cycle for a reason. Does this occur everywhere in Ghana? No. But, it is a predominant problem. We began to discuss how to break this cycle in our children's little corner of Ghana. What would it take to do this? Adoption is just one answer. Not all the children can, or should be, be adopted. There has to be something that can be done, on a community level, to break the cycle of violence and abuse.

This is where I start to falter and feel weak. This is where I feel like tossing up my hands. This problem is too big, right?!? And who am I to try to retrain anyone in a foreign country on something that is considered "cultural". Who am I to tell them that it is wrong to "whip" their children. I wonder what would happen if I went back to Ghana and tried to explain to people there what I'm doing with my daughter to try to heal her from the abuse she endured. I would have to tell them how every week we go to a place called OT where she rolls around on a giant ball and climbs inside a giant stocking to try to help her regulate her body after two years of total lack of sensory input. Or, I could tell them how once a week she goes to a "feelings doctor" to talk about how it made her feel inside when people in Ghana beat her, why she is still so afraid and how she can work on those feelings. I can tell you what most people in my daughter's community in Ghana would say. They would laugh. They would think it was ridiculous. Because in Ghana, and many other countries around the world, when you have been abused (either physically or sexually) you put on your big girl panties and you get.over.it. No one in Ghana ever wants you to dwell on the past. I don't know how many times I've explained my daughter's story to a Ghanaian to have them say "ahhh...but that is the past now. She is here now, with you, in America". Yeah, yeah she is. Sometimes though, my daughter's past creeps up and kicks her present in the butt. This is impossible to explain to people who have no time to dwell on their feelings when they are scrambling to survive. Tomorrow there might not be enough food to feed the baby, so taking time out of your day to examine your feelings, well, not exactly priority numero uno.

So, if I were to try to fix this monumental problem, I guess I would start with priority numero uno. I think this involves making sure that the scramble to survive isn't quite such a scramble. As we discussed starting at the bottom of this needs pyramid and moving up slowly, the problems become more manageable. I can almost see where to start.

My daughter is here. She made it to America. We are healing her heart. What about her friends though? Are they all forgotten? They still live in that cycle. Every day their little spirits are being crushed the same way Bubbly's was. It's time to give back to the community she came from. It's time to leave a legacy. Not my legacy, not your legacy, God's legacy. I'm not sure quite yet what God's legacy will be to the country that my daughter came from. I do know that Bubbly will become part of that legacy. You see, my daughter isn't my legacy, or your legacy, she isn't anyone's legacy. She is part of God's legacy. I don't know what He has in store for her. I do know that for such a tiny little thing, the plan must be VERY big, because He continues to move gigantic mountains to heal her heart. Hopefully, someday, she will help heal the hearts of the children where she came from.

--FullPlateMom,
who knows that today, Bubbly, ShyGuy and Giggles are breaking the cycle.

Wordless Wednesday--Because I just can't help it.

2010-09-29T00:12:00.000-07:00

--FullPlateMom,

who knows that only the people who haven't had much to laugh about lately will understand this. Trust me, they need it.

The Wonder of the School Bus.

2010-09-28T00:10:00.000-07:00

Shy Guy is obsessed with all things transportation. Buses, boats, planes, trains, etc. If it moves, he LOVES it. When he found out that Kindergarten in the U.S. affords you the opportunity to actually RIDE a bus for field trips, he was SO excited. He talked of little else when it came to Kindergarten. Reading? Whatever. Gym class? Who cares! The school bus...ROCK ON! Well, his day has come. He came RUNNING in from school yesterday waving his permission slip like a flag of honor. He's going to the pumpkin patch. He babbled for a few minutes about how excited he was. He could hardly be still. Then, he told me he might be a little lonely on the bus, so he asked me to come along.

Attachment...we have arrived.

--FullPlateMom,
whose heart is about to burst.

Hard Truths of Some Adoptions.

2010-09-27T04:56:00.000-07:00

I just read a post on the New York Times adoption blog that really spoke to me. I'm linking it below.

Hard Truths of Some Adoptions

This article is another must read for parents of older adoptees who lived in loving foster families or adoptive parents of children who still have living birth parents. Somedays I wonder if I did the right thing by adopting three older children who had birth parents who loved them. Bubbly has a dad who loves her dearly. Giggles and ShyGuy have a mom who adores them. They lived a nice life in Ghana compared to many. They weren't orphans who begged in the street. They were receiving a terrible education though (Giggles was supposed to be entering 4th grade when she got here and read like she was in KG) and they were extremely malnourished (we just visited the dentist, it wasn't pretty). For uneducated, poor children (especially girls), Ghana is a cruel place. Children, and adults, in their situation tend to end up abused, just like the children (and some of the birth parents) at Luckyhill. In a country filled with desperation, people tend to prey on the poor and weak.

Just like my children who were adopted here in America, my Ghanaian children's birth parents made a choice for them. They have a right to make that choice. They know that this choice gave them a chance at an education and a future they could have only dreamed of.

I love this quote from the article... Children who have a family can still need a family, and if they’re really, truly lucky, may end up with both: a family here in the United States, where whatever our remaining issues surrounding race and class and physical differences may be, they’re not the road blocks they represent in many other countries; and a family in their first country, a link between past and future and an incentive to go back and cement that tie.

--FullPlateMom,

who will continue to cement the tie.

Prayer and Praise Sunday--For those who wait.

2010-09-26T05:36:00.000-07:00

The Duo has been home for SIX months now. Can you believe it? Like I have said before, it feels like an eternity and a blink of an eye all at once. We celebrated by sending their birth mom some pics. They arrived on the day of the anniversary (we didn't plan it that way). She saw how happy they are. She saw how well loved they are. She's still sad. It's the mixed blessing of adoption. All of us are family now. We'll get through it together.

As I look around at my large family, I'm awestruck at what we went through to get here. It's unreal. The waiting, the praying, all the times when it felt like it was NEVER going to happen. Believe me, during that month long stretch in Ghana, there were many times that I thought we weren't going to get here. Sometimes I see random posts from friends on FB who know of or are working with people who are adopting through AAI. These families are waiting, and waiting and waiting. Sometimes, I know people who are adopting, whether it is through Ghana or not, and they are waiting, and waiting, and waiting.

Today seems a good day to pray for you. I'm praising, as always, the God who sent my children here. He must have a really big plan for them. And, for those of you who wait while feeling hope fade, I've been where you are. The feeling fades when you get to hug your children every day. God has a big plan for your children too.

--FullPlateMom,
who thinks no child, or family, should have to endure this.

Oh my gosh...TEENAGERS.

2010-09-25T05:01:00.000-07:00

Fridays are "eat lunch with mom" day for my four that are in elementary school. I bring either tacos or a cheeseburger depending on your food preference (the Ghanaians don't like cheeseburgers) and we eat together in the school cafeteria. For now, my kids love it. Someday they will be mortified at the thought of eating lunch with me. For now, I love it. I get to see all their little friends. I get to know my kid's world a little better.

Yesterday I ate with ShyGuy and Middle-Middle before going to eat with ResponsiBoy and Giggles. The personalities of these kids are so different, it's hysterical. ShyGuy, who is not so shy anymore, got done with his lunch and RAN out onto the playground like he was in Ghana. He swings and plays and runs. Middle-Middle, in his little glasses, likes to play quiet games. He watches people swing and play and run. But, most of the time it's too muddy, too cold or too loud for him. That's just always been his personality. He would much rather read a book or play a card game then have a "ball fight" (the newest craze to hit our home) in our play room.

So, I'm standing on the playground with all his little friends who, just like him, like it better on the concrete, when we see the kids from the Work and Learn Program heading in for class. They are from the local high school. This group is made up of kids who aren't fitting so well into a regular classroom setting and need a different environment. They spend their afternoons either at other district schools or in the community volunteering. They tend to be a little rough around the edges. Middle-Middle proceeds to tell me all about them. Mom! They're so scary! Mom! They tell me "what up little man?" Is it okay to say "what up?", isn't that a bad word? Mom! Some of them have pink hair! Mom! It went on...and on...and on.

The funniest part was how he kept referring to them as "teenagers". Mom! They're TEENAGERS! As if they weren't even human. I told him they probably thought he was cute. All the sudden he smiled and told me..."well, I touched one". I told him I didn't understand. What do you mean you "touched one"? He looked at me like he was the bravest little man in the world, stuck out his index finger and said that he "ran up to one", shouted "welcome to our school!" and then TOUCHED ONE. He did it. He touched a teenager! Can you believe it? I laughed and laughed and laughed.

I skipped the part about how some day, in the not too distant future, he will become one.

--FullPlateMom,
who hopes that day doesn't come too soon.

In the Matter of Cha Jung Hee.

2010-09-23T08:54:00.000-07:00

Sometimes many lies surround adoptions. Sometimes these lies become the basis of people's identities. They believe they are one person and then their whole life is turned upside down when they find out this is not who they are at all.

In the Matter of Cha Jung Hee is the story of a Korean adoptee who learns that she was adopted as a replacement for a little girl who was suddenly removed from the orphanage by her birth father. Not wanting to disappoint this girl's American family the Korean social worker quickly gives another little girl the identity of Cha Jung Hee and sends her to the U.S. This little girl becomes Deeann Borshay, but spends the rest of her life wondering who she really is.

Deeann learns her true identity when her brother writes to her to tell her that her birth mother is still alive. Deeann visits her Korean family multiple times over the years and finally journeys back to Korea to try to find the real Cha Jung Hee. Amazing.

I HIGHLY recommend this documentary to those of us who adopted from a situation that was less than reputable (I'm talking to all of my fellow Lucky Hill adoptive parents--you need to watch this!). It gives an explanation, from the adoptees' point of view, about why answers to these identity questions become so important for our children later in life. You can also see how Deeann struggles, decades after her adoption, to find these answers in Korea's adoption record system (which, just as an aside is excellent, they found her file 40 years later!). I can't imagine that there will be much of an adoption record left in Ghana for any of my children, especially Bubbly, whose adoption was done solely by a corrupt orphanage and without the full knowledge of Social Welfare (which I only found out months later).

Deeann touches on how international adoption is a booming business for some of the countries involved in it. This hurts to acknowledge, but she is right. The motivation behind why these parents are placing their children is something I struggle with daily as an adoptive mom. Am I doing a good thing? Or, am I contributing to an orphan cycle by adopting? I don't know. I just know that I love my kids. And, Deeann loved her mothers, both of them.

--FullPlateMom,

who is feeling a little more informed today.

Please turn your attention...

2010-09-21T17:04:00.000-07:00

to the side bar on the right.

I get a lot of emails asking me what YOU can do to help with the worldwide orphan crisis. I have linked the blogs of some organizations that I have come into contact with personally. Given the recent debacle in Ghana (where I worked with some people who were neither reputable in Ghana nor in the U.S.), I have a few criteria for your organization to appear in the side bar.

First, all these organizations are not for profits. They have to be registered and operating with a staff that handles donations carefully and accurately.

Second, they are action-oriented. This means you can see regular updates on what these organizations are doing to help the world-wide orphan crisis. In other words, they're putting their donors' money where their mouth is.

I am all about helping reputable people find a solution to the problems orphans face around the globe. But, once bitten, twice shy. Right now, I'm letting these great folks figure out the logistics while I focus on my family. So, if you're looking for a way to help, then look no further. Your answer is RIGHT over there. Over the next few months, you'll see what the FullPlateFamily is doing to help.

--FullPlateMom,

who is always open to suggestions on new sidebar content. If you have an organization you love, please feel free to comment.

Looking Forward to It.

2010-09-20T07:07:00.000-07:00

The talk of the town in our house is "Halloween". ResponsiBoy, Middle-Middle and GigantoBaby are just plain excited about it while Giggles, ShyGuy and Bubbly try to figure out what the heck we're going on about. Bubbly was here for the festivities last year, but she was a tiny bit frightened about the whole thing. I think all the Ghanaians in our house are. Witchcraft was a huge part of their lives before they came here. There was talk of "evil spirits" and "three eyed witches" all the time in Ghana. So, you see, the idea that we're going to dress up like these spirits, or run around in the dark when they could even possibly be out there is a little frightening to the Duo. Bubbly just wants to know when she's going to get her candy. CANDY. CANDY. CANDY.

The costume planning has begun. They don't get a say in what they'll wear. I know, I'm a horrible mom. But, we always win for best costume because I dress them as a group. If you want to see years past, you can check out this post. I have showed both Giggles and ShyGuy the pics we have of Halloween through the years. They are actually looking forward to it now. Big time. I can't express how thankful I am that they have something that we are doing, many things actually, as a family that they look forward to. To me, it's a sign that they are meshing with us. Hopefully, this will be the beginning of family memories for the Duo too. They need them.

--FullPlateMom,
who isn't telling what the kids' costumes are for this year. You'll have to wait and see.